PM received by a fellow SD member from a lady client....(...honest, would I make this up?)
Hi (name withheld),
I'm disappointed in you. I'm disappointed that I haven't gotten a response to my voicemail and text messages.
FYI, I suggest that you keep in mind that emails sound more impersonal, harsher, and are easier to misinterpret than in-person or phone communication. After all, people can't see someone's body language or tone of voice in an email. I'm not trying to be harsh, patronizing, or insulting in this email. I'm honest and direct by nature, and I'm going to be that way in this email. By the way, I did a google search, so that's how I came across your SD account.
I assume that you no longer want to go stalking with me. (If you do want to go stalking with me, then you should let me know.) I suggest that you make a sincere apology to me for giving me mixed signals. I feel led on by you.
Things that happened during our stalk include, but are not limited to, the following:
- You played with your equipment a lot. A stalker playing with his equipment is a common sign of flirtation. You can even do a google search on it. When a stalker plays with his equipment, he is preening. I've never had a stalk where a bloke played with his equipment as much as you did. In addition, it didn't look like you were playing with your equipment out of nervousness.
- We had lots of eye contact during our stalk. On a per-minute basis, I've never had as much eye contact during a stalk as I did with you.
- You said, "It was nice to meet you." at the end of our stalk. A bloke could avoid saying this, or say this statement as a way to show that he isn't interested in taking someone out stalking again or he could mean what he said—that it was nice to meet you. The statement, by itself, is inconclusive.
- We had a nice conversation over our piece. I don't think I'm being delusional in saying this. I even gave you a pickled egg. And I didn't even mention the resulting smell in the land rover on the way back.
In my opinion, leading someone on (i.e., giving mixed signals) is impolite and immature. It's bad to do that.
Normally, I would not be asking for information if a bloke and I don't go stalking again after a first stalk. However, in our case, I'm curious because I think our stalk went well and that there is a lot of potential for us to stalk together much more regularly. Of course, it's difficult to predict where this might end up, but I think there is a lot of potential for our relationship to develop beyond stalking one day (or least there was before your non-response to my voicemail and text messages).
I think we should go out on a second stalk. In my opinion, our first stalk was good enough to lead to a second stalk.
Why am I writing to you? Well, hopefully, we will go out for a stalk again. Even if we don't, I gain utility from expressing my thoughts to you. In addition, even if you don't want to go out again, I would like to get feedback as to why you wouldn't want to go again. Normally, I wouldn't ask a bloke for this type of feedback after a first stalk, but this is an exception given I think we have a lot of potential.
If you don't want to go again, then apparently you didn't think our first stalk was good enough to lead to a second stalk. Stalking is seldom like those awesome write ups people post on SD. It's good to keep that in mind. In general, I thought the stalk went well and was expecting that we would go out on a second stalk.
If you're not interested in going stalking again, then I would have preferred if you hadn't given those mixed signals. I feel led on. We have a number of things in common. I'll name a few: First, we're both very intelligent. Second, we both like Blasers, so much so that we go to Blaser dealers by ourselves. Don't you see how sad and lonely that is? In fact, the number one interest that I would want to have in common with a bloke is a liking of Blasers, especially in .243. I could never be seriously involved with a bloke if he didn't like Blasers. You said that one day you're planning to go to the Blaser factory. As I said, I would be happy to take you there. You're very busy. It would be very convenient for you to stalk with me because we have the same interests. We already go to Blaser dealers by ourselves. If we go to Blaser dealers together, it wouldn't take any significant additional time on your part. Think how much fun that could be? According to the internet, you're 63 or 62, so, at least from my point of view, we're a good match in terms of age. I know a lot of women who have partners a lot younger than them, so why could it not work for us - what does twenty years or so matter? I could name more things that we have in common, but I'll stop here. I don't understand why you apparently don't want to go stalking with me again. We have numerous things in common. I assume that you find me attractive. If you didn't find me attractive, then it would have been irrational for you to go stalking with me in the first place. After all, our first stalk was not a blind stalk. You already knew what I looked like before our stalk. Perhaps, you're unimpressed that I have my own Harkila Pro stalking onesie? Perhaps, you don't think I am a 'real' stalker. Well, let me tell you I've done very well so far. I was one of the first to sign up for the BDS Bronze Award! In most peoples opinion, that makes me a professional. I've never been as disappointed and sad about having difficulty about getting a second stalk as I am with you. I've gone stalking with a lot of blokes in my life. (FYI, I'm not a serial stalker. Sometimes, I've only gone out with a bloke for one stalk and that's been OK, but you are different.) People don't grow on trees. I hope you appreciate the potential we have.
Am I a sensitive person? Sure, I am. I think it's better to be sensitive than to be insensitive. There are too many impolite, insensitive people in the world. When you said some of the comments made to you on SD made you cry, it made me cry too.
I suggest that we continue to go stalking and see what happens. Needless to say, I find you less appealing now as a stalking partner (given that you haven't returned my messages or answered your front door to me.) than I did at our first stalk. However, I would be willing to go stalking with you again. I'm open minded and flexible and am willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. I wish you would give me the benefit of the doubt too. If you don't want to go stalking again, in my opinion, you would be making a big mistake, perhaps one of the biggest mistakes in your life. If you don't want to go stalking again, then you should have called to tell me so. Even sending a text message would have been better than nothing. In my opinion, not responding to my messages is impolite, immature, passive aggressive, and cowardly. I spent time, effort, and money meeting you for that stalk. Getting back to me in response to my messages would have been a reasonable thing for you to do. In addition, you arrived about 5 minutes late for our stalk. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if I'd showed up five minutes late for a first stalk with you.
If you're concerned that you will hurt my feelings by providing specific information about why you don't want to go with me again, well, my feelings are already hurt. I'm sad and disappointed about this situation. If you give me information, at least I can understand the situation better. I might even learn something that is beneficial.
If you don't want to go out again, then I request that you call me and make a sincere apology for leading me on (i.e., giving me mixed signals). In my opinion, you shouldn't act that way toward a woman and then not go out stalking again. It's bad to play with your equipment so much and make so much eye contact if you're not interested in going out stalking with me again. I have tried to write this email well, but it's not perfect. Again, I'm not trying to be harsh, insulting, patronizing, etc. I'm disappointed, sad, etc. I would like to talk to you on the phone. I hope you will call me back at <xxx-xxxx> (if it's inconvenient for you to talk on the phone when you read this email, you can let me know via email that you are willing to talk on the phone and I'll call you). If you get my voicemails, you can a leave a message and I can call you back. Even if you don't want to go stalking again, I would appreciate it if you give me the courtesy of calling me and talking to me. Yes, you might say things that hurt me, but my feelings are already hurt. Sending me an email response (instead of talking on the phone) would better than no response at all, but I think it would be better to talk on the phone. Email communication has too much potential for misinterpretation, etc.
Or you can just open your front door, I've parked right outside.............