A MANS PERFECT DAY???
6:10 Read the sports section of the Herald Sun in toilet.
6:15 Notice front page of Sun: Jackie Lambie on life support after date with well hung male.
6:30 Shampoo, shower, shave
7:00 Breakfast - bacon and poached eggs, coffee and toast - all cooked by naked, buxom wench who bends over a lot.
7:30 Limo arrives.
7:45 Couple of ice-cold Crownies en route to the airport.
8:00 Flight in personal Gulfstream jet - finest single malt Scotch served in Waterford crystal snifter by green-eyed redhead with big tits.
9:30 Limo to Royal Melbourne Golf Club 9:45 Play front nine (2 under par).
11:45 Lunch - steak and lobster, couple of ice-cold Crownies and bottle of vintage Dom Pérignon (1953).
12:20 Breaking News: Kevin Rudd discovered to be on Malaysia flight 370.
12:30 Play back nine (4 under).
2:15 Limo back to airport (several Crownies).
2:30 Fly to Gold Coast.
2:40 News Flash: Julia Gillard’s plane shot down over Syria, apprehended by IS.
4:00 Late afternoon fishing expedition with all-female crew, all nude who also bend over a lot.
4:15 News flash: Clive Palmer electrocuted while demonstrating animated dinosaur. Front-end loader called to remove both.
4:30 Land world record Marlin (1234lbs)on light tackle.
5:00 Fly home, massage by naked Elle Macpherson with happy ending.
6:45 Shower, shave and shine.
6:55 News Flash: Christine Milne announced as Australia’s first Ebola victim.
7:00 Watch news – Bill Shorten assassinated.
7:30 Dinner - lobster appetisers, Dom Pérignon (1953), big juicy fillet steak followed by ice cream served on a big pair of tits.
9:40 News Flash: Adam Bandt and entourage missing after speaking engagement inTasmania.
11:00 Massage and jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and a cleansing Crown Lager
11:35 Tanya Plibasek confesses she has Aids, and resigns from Parliament.
11:45 In bed alone.
11:50 A 22-second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room.
11:51 Laughed myself to sleep…can't wait for tomorrow