Crocodile Curry

1 Indian Chef; plus
8 Kitchen assistants
4 Spare assistants on standby

3 Large Crocs (C. Niloticus)
1 Smoked warthog
3000 Green peppers
1-4kgs of Curry Powder (depending on how hot you like it) I personally like the 'Mother-in-Law's tongue" brand
1/2 ton rice
1 Tree of Bay Leaves

1. Beat crocs over the heads with a sledgehammer.
2. Collect tears in 44 gallon drums and use them for salad dressing.
3. Indian chef tells assistants to place crocs into heated swimming
pool. Turn on the steam. Make sure that the crocs area quite dead -
otherwise spare assistants might be required.
4. Boil for 10 days. After 7 days, skin can be pulled off - which is
used for handbags etc. Nice keepsake for the invited guests. During the 10th day the teeth will fall out and are used for jewellery and amulet's.
5. Cut off tail and use for Crock-tail soup at a later stage - keep in
deepfreeze once cooled off.
6. Surviving assistants then must cut crocs into bite size cubes.
7. Add remaining ingredients and allow to simmer for a further 2 days.
Taste to see if it has enough spices etc. I sometimes like to add
apricot jam to give it extra juiciness and flavour - about 5 kgs or to taste should do.
8. Curry should be ready when the vultures start circling above.

Serves approximately 1250 people.
PS - Let your mother-in-law try it out first