The Poo List.
The kind where you feel the poo come out but there is no poo in the toilet.
The kind where you poo it out; see it in the toilet; but there is nothing on the toilet paper.
The kind where you wipe your butt 53 times and it still feels un-wiped, so you put a piece of toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't stain your them.
Second Wave Poo.
It happens when you are done pooing and have pulled your pants up to your knees, and realize you have to poo some more.
The kind where you strain so much to get it out, that you practically have a stroke.
It's the kind where you want to poo, but all you do is sit on the toilet, cramp, and fart a few times.
The kind that comes out of your butt so fast that your butt cheeks get splashed with water.
The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splatters all over the toilet bowl.
Mexican Food Poo.
It smells so bad the room must be condemned.
That kind comes from people who think their poos don't stink.
It's so noisy that every one within earshot is giggling.
The kind of poo that is so huge that you are afraid to flush it without breaking it up into smaller pieces with the toilet brush.
Fisherman's Bobber Poo.
That's the kind where you are in a public restroom; there are two people waiting for your stall; you poo and flush two times, but several golf ball size pieces are still floating above the water line.
The Drinker's Poo.
The kind of poo you have after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is it leaves tree marks on the bottom of the toilet.
The Surprise Poo.
You are not even near a toilet because you are sure that you are about to fart, but oops...poo.
The Dangling Poo.
This poo refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done pooing. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose
The Whiplash Poo.
The kind where you push and strain until you eyes are bloodshot and the poo just starts to come out, when oops. ..it goes back in!
The Pebble Poo.
This is the poo that feels like a log coming out but looks like a rabbit pellet.
The Playdough Poo.
This the kind where you push, and the poo comes out in one long coil. Secretly, many keep mental records of their longest poo.
Rhino Dump Poo.
Usually a real bowl-filler requiring the assistance of a plumber to get it to flush away.
A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet
water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion.
The Crowd Pleaser Poo.
This poo is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing.
The Mood Enhancer Poo.
This poo occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again.
The Ritual Poo.
This poo occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper.
The Guinness Book Of Records Poo.
A poo so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations.
The Aftershock Poo.
This poo has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected.
The Groaner Poo.
A poo so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance.
The Floating Poo.
Characterized by its float ability, this poo has been known to resurface after many flushing's.
The Ranger Poo.
A poo which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper.
The Phantom Poo.
This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there.
The Peek a Boo Poo.
Now you see it, now you don't. This poo is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control.
The Bombshell Poo.
A poo that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to poo (i.e.. during lovemaking or you are nowhere near pooing facilities.
The Snake Charmer Poo.
A long skinny poo which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless.
The Olympic Poo.
This poo occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Poo.
The Back to Nature Poo.
This poo may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car.
The Pebbles from Heaven Poo.
An adorable collection of small poo in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T poo.
Energizer vs Duracell Poo.
Also known as a "Still Going" poopie.
The Power Dump Poo.
The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done.
The Liquid Plumber Poo.
This kind of poo is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor.
The Spinal Tap Poo.
The kind of poo that hurts so much coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways.
Think I'm Giving Birth Poo.
Similar to the Log and The Spinal Tap Poo. The shape and size of the poopie resembles a spray paint can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards.
The Porridge Poo.
The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your backside while you sit there helpless.
The I'm Going To Chew My Food Better Poo.
When the bag of Doritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning.
I Think I'm Turning into a Bunny Poo.
When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water.
The What The Heck Died in Here Poo.
Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gagging and gasping for air.
The I Just Know There's a Poo Still Dangling There Poo.
Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place.
Laxative induced. Doesn't count.
The fear of pooing - can be fatal!