I've just come out of the shop with a meat and potato pie, large chips, mushy peas & a jumbo sausage. A poor homeless man sat there and said 'I've not eaten for two days'. I told him 'I wish I had your will power.'
Top tip: if you're camping in the summer and the attractive girl in the next tent tells you that because it's so hot she will be sleeping with her flaps open, it's not necessarily an invitation to casual sex. Wish me luck; I appear in court next Monday.
I got fired on my first day as a male masseuse today.Apparently the instruction 'finish off on her face' didn't mean what I thought it did.
A fat girl from Newcastle served me food in McDonald's at lunch time. She said 'sorry about the wait.' pet. I said 'don't worry fatty, you're bound to lose it eventually.'
Snow in the forecast! The TV weather gal said she was expecting 8 inches tonight, I thought to myself "fatchance" with a face like that!
Last edited by Mannlicher_Stu; 06-01-2011 at 11:40.