Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something.

We have a case of Gonorrhea in the convent."

"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of Chardonnay."


A young nun went to the doctor because she was feeling sick, and was told she was 6 months pregnant.

Totally dumbfounded, and due to severe shock at the news, she stormed into the monastery where she found the monks in Morning Prayer.

They all looked round in astonishment to see the nun, when she shouted,

"Right, which one of you dirty b**tards has been masturbating over the candles?"

The Pope is working on a crossword puzzle one Sunday afternoon when he reaches a real stumper.
He thinks for a moment or two, scratches his head, and finally asks the cardinal, "Can you think of a four-letter word for 'woman' that ends in 'u-n-t'?" "Aunt" replies the Cardinal.

"Ah, thanks," says the Pope. "Do you have an eraser?"