Little Johnny is class and the teacher wants each student to say what there dad does for a living and use it in a sentence
"Marsha what does your daddy do for a living"? asked the teacher
"My daddy a policeman and he catches bad guys and throws them in jail" says Marsha
"Bobby what does your dad do"? asks the teacher
"My dads a Fireman and he puts out fires and saves people lives" says Bobby
"Little Johnny , what does your dad do?' asks the teacher
"My Dads dead" says Jonny
"OH, I'm sorry "says the teacher" What did He do before he died"?
"He turned purple and sh*t on the rug" replies Johnny
Little Johnny is walking down the hall when he hears a noise from his parents room. He knocks on the door and asks his mom what's going on. "Playing cards," she replies. "Who's your partner?" asked little Johnny. "Your father!"
Content with his answer, Little Johnny walks further down the hall towards his room when he hears the same noise coming from his sister's room. Again, he knocks on the door and asked his sister what she was doing. "Playing cards." "With whom?" he asks. "My boyfriend!" she says.
A short while later, Little Johnny's father is walking down the hall and hears a noise coming from Little Johnny's room. He knocks on the door and asks "What are you doing in there?" "Playing cards!" replied Johnny. "Who's your partner?" asked his father...
Little Johnny answers promptly, "With a hand like this who needs a partner?"
At school one day, Little Johnny's teacher asks the class to use the word "contagious" in a sentence...
Cindy raises her hand. "Yes, Cindy?" She answers, "I was at the doctors with my mum, and she said not to play with the toys in the waiting room because the other kids were contagious."
"Very good, Cindy!" the teacher said, "Anyone else want to try?" Samantha raises her hand. "Yes, Samantha?" She answers, "My dad tells me not to yawn because then everybody else yawns. He says yawning is contagious."
"Excellent work, Samantha! Very creative," the teacher praises. "Okay, one more volunteer." Little Johnny raises his hand. "Yes, Johnny?"
"Well," he says, "I was helping my dad in the yard last week, and we saw the neighbour painting his house. He was using a small brush, so I asked my dad, 'Daddy, why is he using such a small brush?' and he says, 'I don't know son, but it's going to take that contagious.'"