Paddy, who was on holiday and visiting Bondi beach at sydney couldn't seem to make it with any of the sheilas, so he asked the lifeguard for some advice..

Mate, it's obvious,' says the lifeguard, 'you're wearing those old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. You 're best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos - about two sizes too small and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' ya'll have all the f*****g sheilas ya want!'

Next weekend, Paddy hits the beach with his brand spanking ultra tight Speedos, and his fist-sized spud. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, and laughing, a few weaklings nearly spewed. So silly paddy went back to the lifeguard again and asked him,'What the **** is wrong now?'

F##k me said the lifeguard, you f##k wit The spud goes in the front!'