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Thread: Help wiith a pocket taser

  1. #1

    Help wiith a pocket taser

    This is well worth the 3 minutes it takes to read!!!!!
    Betcha can't read this without laughing.
    Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
    A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary
    submitted this:
    Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked
    my interest.
    The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little
    something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a
    100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.
    The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no
    long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time
    to retreat to safety....??
    WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
    I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.
    I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND
    pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue
    arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
    Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on
    the face of her microwave.
    Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it
    couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
    There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting
    little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I
    really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
    I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)
    and thought better of it.
    She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my
    wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that
    it would work as advertised.
    Am I wrong?
    So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tee shirt with my reading
    glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one
    hand, and Tazer in the other.
    The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient
    your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms
    and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
    purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of
    water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the
    batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring
    about 5' long, less *than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really
    and (loaded with two itsy bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself,
    'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but
    I'll do my best...?
    I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one
    side as if to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a *one second
    burst from such a tiny little ol' thing couldn't hurt all *that bad. I
    decided to give myself a one second burst just for the heck of it. I
    touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . *. HOLY
    I'm pretty sure The Hulk ran in through the side door, picked me up in
    the recliner, and then body slammed me on the carpet, over and over and
    over again.
    I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears
    in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to
    be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position,
    and tingling in my legs?
    The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to
    a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to
    avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
    Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, one
    note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you
    zap yourself!
    You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand
    by a violent thrashing about on the floor.
    A three second burst would be considered conservative?
    A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at
    that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and
    surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of
    the fireplace.
    The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
    originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still
    twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my
    bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
    Apparently I **** myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense
    of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I
    believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm
    offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
    P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
    'If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.'*

  2. #2
    hi red lab thanks mate that did make me laugh out loud hope you recieved my letter and thanks

  3. #3

  4. #4
    I have tazered myself and I would not recommend it but you don't continue to zap yourself as this story makes out.

  5. #5

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