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Thread: Customised Baby Crib - Including Free 12Volt Car Battery & Jump Leads

  1. #1

    Customised Baby Crib - Including Free 12Volt Car Battery & Jump Leads

    Customised baby crib :
    It is a very large crib that has some features to prevent your baby from escaping.
    The entire top perimeter of the crib has been reinforced with a metal frame that is connected to a car battery. When someone tries to escape the crib, they will be given a gentile electric shock, which will discourage them from attempting to climb out of the crib again. The price includes a 12 volt car battery, but a higher-voltage battery can always be purchased, depending on how fat your child is. Here is a picture of the setup:

    I am currently using the crib for one of my friends who happens to be a midget. He tends to frequently get drunk and violent, so we put him in this crib when he starts getting belligerent. The battery works great for keeping him in, so I am assuming it will work great for a child. The only reason I am getting rid of it is because the midget was recently arrested for arson, so he won't be around for a while.

    I also have something else that you may be interested in as well. If you are you tired of waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your baby crying? With this clever device, you won't even have to get out of bed to calm your baby:

    It is a little mobile that I invented called "The Lullibinator." Simply hang it above the crib, and the microphone will detect when the baby is crying. If the crying reaches a certain decibel level, the box will spray a calming mist of pepper spray into the crib. It trains your baby not to cry in no time! It worked great on the midget when he started yelling. It comes with 2% CS pepper spray, which is practically harmless. It can be upgraded to bear mace if your child continues to cry. I have decorated the Lullibinator with friendly smiley faces to comfort your baby.

    I am asking 50 for the Lullibinator, and 250 for the crib/battery combo. I may be prepared to come and go a little on the price.Thanks for viewing.

    By three methods we may learn wisdom:
    First, by reflection, which is noblest;
    Second, by imitation, which is easiest;
    and third by experience, which is the bitterest

  2. #2
    you have obviously got some spare time on your hands......

  3. #3
    if you use wet pipe lagging around the top it works to greater effect

  4. #4 did take a while to devise the whole set-up.

    ....if push comes to shove rather than keep haggling over the price, I will even throw this in for free :

    You won't have to get up to give your baby a bottle when he is thirsty. This handy crib-bottle will allow your baby to quench his thirst any time he wants. It doesn't have to necessarily be filled with tequila (like I said, this crib was set up for a midget). It can easily be filled with Irn Bru, breast milk, or whatever else your baby prefers. Throw in a can of food and the baby can practically live on his own!
    By three methods we may learn wisdom:
    First, by reflection, which is noblest;
    Second, by imitation, which is easiest;
    and third by experience, which is the bitterest

  5. #5

  6. #6
    Social Services are on their way.........

    (Very funny BTW).
    Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it, hump it or learn from it then piss on it and walk away.

    "HOSPITALITY" - the art of making guests feel at home (when you wish they were).

  7. #7
    The guys in the office are wondering why my screen is now covered in coffee & I should be working, very very funny!!

  8. #8
    I work for social services and may I say what a splendid idear this is, this will solve about 99% of my family in crisis problems.

    Why not model it on Dragons Denn


  9. #9
    Brilliant, my third is due soon and this could just be what im after, i will speak to the wife when she is back from work and try and sell it to her , me im sold.

    I can send funds from my Nigerian Paypal account , i just need your bank details, card details , d.o.b , and pin numbers and passwords

    you really do have a lot of time on your hands

  10. #10
    Great inventions. Been trying to convince the wife that there's not too much to do when it comes to child care. She's sold on this so looks like a man can have the best of both.

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