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Thread: ************ birthday **************

  1. #1

    ************ birthday **************

    I've just noticed the date - 22nd. April. That means by my reckoning that Tuesday'll be the 24th. Which means it's my birthday. Which means I'll be
    sixty-poxy-six. Oh, B****CKS !

    Now, those privileged few of you who know me will almost certainly find that hard, not to say impossible, to believe since I only look 40 and am still massively alluring to all women. But it's true.

    So, guys, please, please, please and please again with a cherry on top - I want loads of messages conveying deep and genuine heartfelt sympathy so I don't feel so old and unloved.

    No "Happy Birthday" cards and messages thanks. Take my word for it - there's f**k all "happy" about it.

    But presents ...... ah yes now, presents. I do like presents. Ever such a lot. But please, whatever else you do, don't embarrass me by sending anything .......... er .......... you know ........ er, cheap !

    Had it happen to me last year. Pals of mine (pals my arse) phoned to say that as it was my 65th. and a bit of a milestone they had clubbed together and were sending me a new telescopic sight. "Oh, Christ, you shouldn't have done that" said I. "It's nothing, anything for a friend" said they back. I don't know quite what I was expecting with bated excitement - but probably something European, 4-80 variable x 200 (eyeballs are going) with a parallax eliminator, illuminated reticule, bullet drop compensator, rangefinder and a Goblin Teasmaid on top. And a compass and a fishing rod. Something around that mark would've done the trick. What did I get though ? Three cardboard bog-roll centres cellotaped in line with clingfilm over each end and a black cotton crosshair glued on. What pricks. I hope they all die in pain just before some Christmas or other and just before they get the chance to open their own prezzies !

    My very good young friend, Deer Assassin on this site, is taking me salmon fishing later in the week. Says he's gonna teach me how to fish properly and catch shitloads. I know him and so I know there'll be a bit of a competition going on. I also know he doesn't know that I know all about Cymag :-) He's still got tad to learn from this old fool !

    Jack Nicholson once said of all of us in this age bracket in his film Bucket List (I recommend it) - "never give up the opportunity to take a piss, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart." Is this really what I've got coming to me ?

    Nearly in tears as I'm so sorry for me, but regards to all,

    Will Gallant
    (there now, see ?? I'm that old I can't even think of a snappy username for myself)

  2. #2
    Very question...How's the prostate?

  3. #3
    Not yet affecting the important bits adversely. My doctor wanted to check it out with a finger a couple of years back. Told him to phuck off as he'd never even taken me to dinner.

  4. #4

  5. #5
    You have my condolence Will.... as for presents, I have a zimmer that my Nan no longer needs if it's any use to you

    BTW, I thought that was a snappy username.
    "It's halfway down the hill, directly below that tree next to a rock that looks like a bell-end"

    Good deals with ~ deako ~ sakowsm ~ dryan ~ 2734neil ~ mo ~ riggers ~ mmbeatle ~ seanct ~ an du ru fox

  6. #6
    Um birthday boy gets a round in. Thats 7,542 pints of mild please.
    See the old git with the stupid name....he's paying.
    I can speak in-depth and with great knowledge about most subjects until some bugger who actually knows what he is speaking about opens his gob .

  7. #7
    If your lucky Will next time I up your way I'll show you how to shoot. You would be lucky to hit a barn door with that stick you call a 7mm.
    Happy birthday good luck fishing. At your age you need all the luck ha ha.
    Cheers Andrew

  8. #8
    Well phuck me sideways if I'm not all overcome with emotion over the extremely sensitive and sympathetic nature of your posts. Go piss up a rope - the lot ya. I'm ever so hurt.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Wills View Post
    Must have been keen...
    He was. I wasn't. "Stop clenching" he screamed as I snapped the first joint of his finger. That was as far as it went and I never went back. Think I'll wait 'til some gorgeous bird decides to give me one of them prostate massage thingies and comes out with "oooooohh, hunni, what a massive prostate you've got." Then, maybe, I'll let the quack have another shot at it. Maybe. And then under general anaesthetic at that.

  10. #10
    Many happy returns for Tuesday, its been a few years since we saw each other but l bet you do still only look 40 where as myself does now look 60 and lost most of my hair, good luck with the fishing enjoy your day .

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