I wont a contest for miming yesterday. What can I say !!

I'd love to have a sex change, preferably from none to absolutely effing loads !

I was so shocked REM have broken up I fainted into my curry. That's me in the korma.

Isn't it funny how hot women always drive around in cute little cars?! Which reminds me, the MOT is due on the wifes transit.

My wife had a near death experience today when trying to multi-task. Silly cow thought she could hoover whilst the rugby was on.

I treated the Mrs to one of those fish pedicures the other day and I must say I was very pleased with the result. Those piranhas don't mess about!

Scientists have found that dogs and humans share the same DNA. That explains why the wife is a bitch, the kids hate bathtime and, if I could, I would lick my own balls.