Met a beautiful woman by the lake the other day. There was a spark between us and she fell at my feet. As we lay together making love I thought to myself...... these bloody tazers are well worth the money

Paul, Pete and Nick were sitting around a camp fire, discussing who was the hardest.
Paul says "I killed a bear with my bare hands".
Pete says " I wrestled two adult crocs , gouged both their eyes out and killed them both".
Nick just sat there saying nothing, poking the fire with his cock.