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Thread: The "Local" Gun Shop

  1. #1

    The "Local" Gun Shop

    The “Local” Gun Shop.
    I’ve used this shop for at least 40 years, from the days of buying .177 Marksman pellets up to the present day of .270 expanding bullets.
    There are a few odd things about visits here, it’s often or more rightly usually an experience. These experiences may not be in strict chronological order but they are real. Names have been changed to avoid embarrassment.
    Me “Morning Phil, how’s it going? I want a cheap semi-auto 12g, 3.5” magnum for wild fowling.”
    Phil “Ok no problem, let’s have a look, this is a nice one, oh you don’t have a FAC do you, it’s not been converted, let’s see, now this Remington is ok, oh, no it’s a 5 shot too, this one should do you, oh, it’s a 5 shot too. No, sorry not got anything else!”
    Remedy, bought gun elsewhere.
    Me “Hi Phil, have you a 20 guage cartridge belt for my lad?”
    Phil “Oh yes, somewhere, now where are they, ah, oh no they’re 12g, errr there you go suit him nicely.”
    Me “No, sorry Phil it’s a 12g one.”
    Phil “No it’s not.” Slipping his fingers into the loops.
    Me “It says 12 on the back Phil.”
    Phil “Oh yes, it seems tight it might do.”
    Remedy, belt purchased elsewhere.
    Me “Hi Phil, I want some non toxic shock.”
    Phil (grinning) “Yes so do I.”
    Me “Have you any?”
    Phil “No, the order’s due in next week.”
    Repeat this 3 times, each a week apart.
    Remedy, cartridges purchased elsewhere.
    Me “Afternoon Phil, I’ve applied for a firearms certificate for a .22 and a .270.”
    Phil “Oh you don’t want a .270 you want a .243, look, there’s a nice one here.”
    Me “But I’ve applied for a .270.”
    Phil “Oh you don’t want a .170, you want a .243, look at this one.”
    Me (getting fed up) “What about .22’s Phil?”
    Phil “Oh I’ve got loads in the back.” But doesn’t offer to show me any!
    Remedy, 2 rifles purchased elsewhere.
    Me “Morning Phil, 2 boxes 20g, 7.5 please.”
    Phil “Certainly.” Goes in back, comes back and puts 2 boxes on the counter.
    Phil “£9.00 please.”
    I looked at the boxes
    Me “Those are 7’s Phil.”
    Phil “Yes, but they’ll do won’t they?”
    Remedy, Ok they will do.
    Me “Hello Phil, 2 boxes, 410, 3” 6’s please.”
    Phil “Ok” Phil goes in the back, comes back with 2 boxes.
    Phil “£14 please.”
    Me “****** hell, I’m not buying the shop Phil!”
    Phil “.410 are dear.”
    I part with the money, I tossed the boxes onto the car seat and one box rattles, I open it and there’s only 20 in the box.
    Remedy, back into the shop to collect the missing 5 rounds.
    I get a phone call from Phil to say my rifle’s arrived. I nip down to pick it up. Phil had said the other RFD usually includes a handling fee but nothing had been included so I paid £20 for his trouble. I bought a gun bag and thought I should have some ammunition so purchased 20 rounds of Remington .270, 130gr.
    At home I opened the bullet box, there were 3 rounds missing.
    Remedy, phone Phil and called in to pick up 3 missing rounds.
    Friend “Hey mate, went to Phil’s yesterday, bought some duck decoys, they’ve been in stock that long one side of each one has faded. I remember them being in the window display for years.
    Remedy, we’re still using them.
    Me “Phil, how much is this cabinet?”
    Phil “£75, it’s a good one, second hand it should be £130.”
    Me “Ok I’ll have it, Phil it’s only got one set of keys.”
    Phil “I’ll get you the others for it.”
    Got it home and I have 2 keys for one lock. Phone Phil, he agrees to get a new lock. Weeks later and after several phone calls and just as I am about to call Bratton Sound myself I give Phil one last chance and the lock has come. I go down to the shop.
    Phil “Did I say there’d be no charge?”
    Me “Phil it was £75 I expect it to work.”
    Phil “These locks have gone up a lot since I ordered the last one.” (looks pained)
    Me (looks unsympathetic)
    Phil “Here you are.”
    Me “Thanks, I’ll have 6 boxes of .22 while I’m here.”
    Funny, they’d gone up £1 a box.
    Phil “Morning, what can I do for you?” (I had a thought here but let it pass)
    Me “Morning Phil, 200 Subsonic Hollowpoint .22 rf please.”
    Phil goes in the back and puts 2 boxes of Remington .22 on the counter.
    Me “Phil, they’re standard velocity solids.”
    Phil “But they’ll do won’t they? You hit it with those and they’ll go down.”
    Remedy, must be going soft, bought them and used for practice.

    Why do I keep on going I hear you all ask, for the experiences.

  2. #2

    The question is - why do you keep going back - it sounds like a scene from the two Ronnies (Fork Handles - no i said four candles!)

    I wouldn't keep a straight face if he was my RFD.


  3. #3
    Distinguished Member tartinjock's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Nairn, Inverness-shire
    Makes me want to move to your location just for the shopping experience.

    Good Funny Story, you must cringe everytime you need to purchace something from them.

    Why not ask for what you don't want, he may surprise you and suggest what you actually want, then you can always ask for a discount '" 'cos it's not actually what your after"

    Good luck for the future.


  4. #4
    That'l be £700.00 then, OK!, Here 's £9.99 thats near enough innit?

  5. #5
    Hi Guys
    Thanks for the comments. Pehaps I should start doing B&B with a visit and guided tour of the shop included, but it would need its own separate gift shop or none of the tourists would come away with anything, or perhaps thats the idea of gift shops to come away with something you dont need or want, in that case I could be onto a winner.
    Will try the offering a small amount trick, I really like that watch out for further installments

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