Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What's the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
Q. What's the definition of macho?
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.
Q. What's the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball
Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!
Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!
Q. What is a Yankee?
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common?
A. They both like a tight seal.
Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common?
A. Their balls are just for decoration.
Q. What is the difference between " ooooooh"and "aaaaaaah"?
A. About three inches.
Q. Why do gay men wear ribbed condoms?
A. For traction in the mud.
Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
A. The grip.
Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?
A. It's not hard.
Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.
Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.
Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes.
Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.
Q: What is the difference between medium and rare?
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare.
Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A. They don't have balls to scratch!
A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?"
She calls on little TONY.
He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3
sitting on a bench having ice cream, One is delicately licking the sides
of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and
sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which
one is married?"
The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
the wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."
Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
"Why?" asks the father?
"The teacher, asked "How much is 2x3".
"I said "6", replies TONY.
"But that's right!" says his dad.
"Yeah, but then she asked me, how much is 3x2?'"
"What's the f...... difference?" asks the father.
"That's what I said!"
LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example
of a multi-syllable word?"
TONY says "Mas-tur-bate."
Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
to go to the bathroom.
He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"
The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to
use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please
use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to
Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight,
but if you had bigger boobs , you'd be a TEN!"
LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)
One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same
sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with,
"My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
She said, "Excellent, Michael!"
Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.
"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!'"
LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said,
"Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you
acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own f....... business.