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Thread: Man cave 101

  1. #1

    Man cave 101

    Tools explained

    A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

    Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, ****!"

    A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

    Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

    An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

    One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

    Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

    Used almost entirely for setting on fire, various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

    A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

    Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

    A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

    A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

    Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

    A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

    PRY BAR:
    A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

    A tool used to make hoses too short.

    Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

    Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. Great at removing stubborn ends of fingers.

    '******* THING' TOOL:
    Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "******** thing" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

  2. #2
    thats about right

  3. #3
    Classic Timbo!!
    We must have gone to the same engineering school

  4. #4
    Superb ..particularly liked the hacksaw

  5. #5
    Like it.... So true, so true......

    Tape measure: mystical self-transforming random result item that changes at will, especially between surfaces.....until it realises you're not going to fall for it.

    (As you can tell I just made that up..)


  6. #6
    That would be sooooo funny if most of it wasn't actually true

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Wingy View Post
    That would be sooooo funny if most of it wasn't actually true

    Well if it is true I suggest taking up knitting!

  8. #8
    SD Regular
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    where men are men and sheep are worried
    All so very true , but no mention of WD40 ::

  9. #9
    what no record player and tape deck for the classic's that the kids hate plus a cooler ! wine locker, kettle ect:

  10. #10
    I would agree with that list, but I did find what vise grips were for they are actually a Land Rover extra the old series two Land Rovers had a habit of the gear levers breaking off, why should that surprise you it was a Land Rover for gods sake , mine broke of leaving just enough to clamp a set of vise grips onto got me home when I thought I was going to be stranded , in fact it was so efficient it stayed that way for the next two years.

    Mind you that was no help when the little bolt in the gear box turret that holds the lever in position rattled loose
    allowing the lever to rotate in a complete circle either clockwise or anti clockwise the choice was yours, at least this Landrover foible did not prevent you from getting a gear you just didn't know which fecking one it was going to be.

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