Man cave 101

Timbo61

Well-Known Member
Tools explained

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench at the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh, ****!"

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXY ACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost entirely for setting on fire, various flammable objects in your shop. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race..

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

FLAT BLADED SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

STANLEY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use. Great at removing stubborn ends of fingers.

'******* THING' TOOL:
Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling "******** thing" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
 
Like it.... So true, so true......:confused:

Tape measure: mystical self-transforming random result item that changes at will, especially between surfaces.....until it realises you're not going to fall for it.

(As you can tell I just made that up..)

Fizz
:cool:
 
what no record player and tape deck for the classic's that the kids hate plus a cooler ! wine locker, kettle ect:
 
I would agree with that list, but I did find what vise grips were for they are actually a Land Rover extra the old series two Land Rovers had a habit of the gear levers breaking off, why should that surprise you it was a Land Rover for gods sake , mine broke of leaving just enough to clamp a set of vise grips onto got me home when I thought I was going to be stranded , in fact it was so efficient it stayed that way for the next two years.

Mind you that was no help when the little bolt in the gear box turret that holds the lever in position rattled loose
allowing the lever to rotate in a complete circle either clockwise or anti clockwise the choice was yours, at least this Landrover foible did not prevent you from getting a gear you just didn't know which fecking one it was going to be.:old:
 
Sounds too much like a work cave than a man cave, mine has more shackles, slave swings, porn mags and dvds and such like.
 
Back
Top