Robert Mugabe and his chauffeur were rolling down the highway when suddenly
they hit a pig crossing the road. They killed it instantly.

Robert tells his driver: "Go to da farm over dere and hexplain to da honer
of da pig what happen."

One hour later, Robert sees his driver coming back from the farm, his
clothes all wrinkled, a bottle of wine in one hand and a cigar in the

"What happen to you?" Robert asks. "Well, the farmer gave me a bottle of
wine, his wife, the cigar and their 19 year old daughter made wild
passionate love to me."

"My God! What did you tell dem?" asked Mugabe.

The driver answered: " Good evening, I am Robert Mugabe's chauffeur and I
have just killed the pig."
Robert Mugabe goes on a state visit to Israel. While he is on a tour of Jerusalem he suffers a heart attack and passes away. The undertaker tells the accompanying people, 'You can have him shipped home for US$500,000, or you can bury him here, in the Holy Land , for just US$100.'

The Zimbabweans go into a corner and discuss for a minute. They come back to the undertaker and tell him they want Mugabe shipped home. The undertaker is puzzled and asks, 'Why would you spend $500,000 to ship him home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $100? With the money you save you could buy enough diesel for a year, buy enough medicines to wipe out cholera, buy enough generators to never have blackouts again.'

The Zimbabweans replied, 'Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. We just can't take that chance.'

Mugabe dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him
that he is not on the list and he does not belong in heaven.
Mugabe must go to hell.
So Mugabe goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home.

Then Mugabe notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says, "No problem, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff."

When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked.

St.Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally one
comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the

As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel
says to the other, "My word, look at that! Mugabe has been in hell no more
than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!"
Thats it for now. More to come another day.