I was speaking to a well-connected and informed friend last night and he had some deeply concerning news to impart. I want to know what BASC is doing about this, because I haven’t heard one peep out of them on this grave matter.
My informant tells me that anybody heading out to the woods today needs to be prepared for a significant surprise. His advice to anyone heading into woodland is that they should adopt a suitable disguise (perhaps dress in full camouflage, like an air-softer at the British Shooting Show?).
The word is, that, every bear that ever there was will be gathering in the woods. The precise reason for this mass assembly is not confirmed, but the most widely supported hypothesis is that they are having a picnic. The key message is that, although they will probably just gaily gad about and play and shout, shooters should be aware that these bears also never have any care.
Clearly, one does not want to be bumping into Polar, Grizzly, Spectacled, Sloth or Black bears when alone in an enclosed natural environment. Pandas too are likely to be encountered, but despite their supposedly adorable demeanour, they are fussy-eating, asexual vegans, and should be avoided for reputational reasons.
Can I draw everyone’s particular attention to the phrase “… ever there was…”?
It should concern all shooters that they can not only expect to meet significant numbers of extant ‘zombie’ bears, but also myriad extinct species from the Pleistocene, Pliocene and Miocene epochs, perhaps even as far back as the Oligocene. The former could be particularly dangerous due to their extreme size and strength. Furthermore, it is not known how these species (such as Short-faced bears and Cave bears) might react when confronted with modern picnic foods like Peperamis, Monster Munch and Midget Gems; they may not recognise these as suitable forage and could well become ‘hangry’.
In a shameful dereliction of duty, we are still awaiting any clarification, instruction or best practice guidance from organisations like BASC, FC, Nature Scot, NE, BDS, NGO, HSE, DEFRA, LANTRA (or that PDS bloke with the Action Man beard) on this rapidly developing situation.
However, professional and recreational stalkers may like to know that it is expected to be safe to enter the woods after 18:00, by which time the picnic attendees are expected to become tired and their respective sows and boars will lead them back to their dens for a period of torpor.
I want to know why BASC hasn’t been across this already, and what the respective ursine legislation is on previously indigenous species, introduced alien species and reanimated or spectral quarry?
Can my mate use a lamp on them whilst I mop them up with my 22 Hornet, for example? And can I sell the harvested small ones to an approved upholstery establishment?
Let’s all stay safe out there folks.
My informant tells me that anybody heading out to the woods today needs to be prepared for a significant surprise. His advice to anyone heading into woodland is that they should adopt a suitable disguise (perhaps dress in full camouflage, like an air-softer at the British Shooting Show?).
The word is, that, every bear that ever there was will be gathering in the woods. The precise reason for this mass assembly is not confirmed, but the most widely supported hypothesis is that they are having a picnic. The key message is that, although they will probably just gaily gad about and play and shout, shooters should be aware that these bears also never have any care.
Clearly, one does not want to be bumping into Polar, Grizzly, Spectacled, Sloth or Black bears when alone in an enclosed natural environment. Pandas too are likely to be encountered, but despite their supposedly adorable demeanour, they are fussy-eating, asexual vegans, and should be avoided for reputational reasons.
Can I draw everyone’s particular attention to the phrase “… ever there was…”?
It should concern all shooters that they can not only expect to meet significant numbers of extant ‘zombie’ bears, but also myriad extinct species from the Pleistocene, Pliocene and Miocene epochs, perhaps even as far back as the Oligocene. The former could be particularly dangerous due to their extreme size and strength. Furthermore, it is not known how these species (such as Short-faced bears and Cave bears) might react when confronted with modern picnic foods like Peperamis, Monster Munch and Midget Gems; they may not recognise these as suitable forage and could well become ‘hangry’.
In a shameful dereliction of duty, we are still awaiting any clarification, instruction or best practice guidance from organisations like BASC, FC, Nature Scot, NE, BDS, NGO, HSE, DEFRA, LANTRA (or that PDS bloke with the Action Man beard) on this rapidly developing situation.
However, professional and recreational stalkers may like to know that it is expected to be safe to enter the woods after 18:00, by which time the picnic attendees are expected to become tired and their respective sows and boars will lead them back to their dens for a period of torpor.
I want to know why BASC hasn’t been across this already, and what the respective ursine legislation is on previously indigenous species, introduced alien species and reanimated or spectral quarry?
Can my mate use a lamp on them whilst I mop them up with my 22 Hornet, for example? And can I sell the harvested small ones to an approved upholstery establishment?
Let’s all stay safe out there folks.
