A huge loss

merlin

Well-Known Member
My Dad died yesterday.

He was first diagnosed with Prostate cancer 7 years ago; it developed into secondary bone cancer around a year ago, and after a turbulent couple of weeks (in the last fortnight we were told that the cancer had spread rapidly and extensively, then he collapsed at home, the following day he was rushed by ambulance into hospital with concerns over his spine, I went with him to Clatterbridge last Friday and was told that he may only have 9 weeks or so left to live...and then yesterday rolled around), he died peacefully yesterday afternoon with my Mum and my Sister by his side.


Why am I posting this on SD? Let me explain....

I don't come from a farming/shooting/outdoorsy background or family. Both of my parents were born and raised in Warrington, a non-rural town in the NW of England. However - it was my Dad who, despite the better wishes of my Mum (and probably ground down a little thanks to the kind of mithering that only teenagers can do....) persuaded my Mum that I was in fact sensible enough to be bought an air-rifle as an early teenager. That ignited my passion for shooting, and now shooting & stalking represent a large part of what makes me who I am. Thanks to shooting I have been fortunate enough to gain a number of outstanding friendships - some of them are members on this site (and hopefully know who they are), some of them aren't - and so I owe my Dad a huge thank you for trusting me, encouraging me and indirectly facilitating some of the best friendships you could ever wish for.

I'm not posting this to fish for sympathy or to bare my soul - that's not really me. But my Dad was the kind of bloke who really would try and help whoever he could - and so if recent events can help someone else, I'll draw a positive from that.

FIRSTLY: if you, or anyone you know, is even remotely concerned that they may have symptoms of Prostate Cancer, then please go and get yourself checked out. This is an immensely hard post to write (...only a slight understatement...), but if doing so either directly or indirectly helps even one person avoid what my Dad went through, then that will be worthwhile as far as I'm concerned. I don't want his death to be in vain. (Link to info: http://prostatecanceruk.org/prostate-information/what-is-my-risk/signs-and-symptoms )

SECONDLY: I have done 'Movember' previously, including with Dad one year. I will definitely be doing it again this year to raise funds for research into Prostate Cancer. This is an unashamed heads-up that I'll be sticking a post on SD asking for sponsorship. Even if only a couple of you on here can throw a few bob in, that will be immensely appreciated and will make a positive contribution.

THIRDLY: Just take a moment to think about who introduced you to shooting/stalking.....Father, Brother, Mother, Friend, whoever....if you have had a fraction of the enjoyment out of the pastime that I've had over the years and have made friends through it in the same way that I have, then consider yourself a fortunate individual and take another few seconds to mutter a "Thank you" under your breath to that person.

This is me and my Dad, taken by my Brother about 14 months ago - this is how I'll remember him:
Quen and Dad.jpg
 
Having had two Abdominal ops for bowel C i would advise us to never bin the poo tests that are sent out but to get them done and checked.
 
A great tribute and you show an immense strength of character to be able to pen such wisdom at a very hard time. I watched my mother in law die of bone cancer, I'm convinced one of the worst ways to go for the sufferer and the family. All the best Sir.
 
Merlin - Your post must have been one of the hardest you have ever made, I respect you for your courage and honesty in the way that you have written it. I also think that we all owe you a debt of thanks for the words of advice/wisdom you have written, certainly something that we should all take note of.
My sincere condolences to both You and All Of Your Family at this sad loss of what sounds like a great man who was obviously such an inspiration to you.
Regards and Best Wishes.
 
condolances mate to all your family, ive lost three members of my family so i know a little of what youve gone through,regards doug,
 
Hi

Sad to read of your loss and well done for a fitting tribute and important 'heads-up'

All of us who have lost family, one way or another, will know what you are going through at an always difficult time for all - hope it eases soon.

L
 
My condolances in this sad time.Your dad will be so proud looking down on you.I have an appointment for Gastroscopy/colonoscopy a week today,i was not going to go but having read your post its changed my mind and may well be a life saver for me..Thanks so much..A.T.B..Graeme.
 
I'm very sorry for your loss. I guess no words will comfort you, but he was obviously a great guy and great father.

I agree, being of a certain age, that men need to have these checks and the annual doctor's surgery MOT. Like many men, I've just been not one to bother with doctors, having not been ill for my first 55 years or so. But none of us are invulnerable and we need to accept that. If your post does nothing more than highlight that to a few members here, then it's yet another good thing to have come from your father.

Great picture.
 
Merlin. My sincere condolences to you and yours at this sad time.
Only yesterday whilst walking the dogs along the Bridgwater and Taunton Canal I was thinking that I hadn`t done any fund raising for my children`s hospital charity for a while, mainly because of my own personal issues. In 2010 I walked the canal from Bridgwater to Taunton and back, a distance of 29 miles and it crossed my mind yesterday to do something about doing the walk again.
I would be more than happy to do that walk in August of this year with the money raised being split between your cancer charity and my children`s hospital charity.
Let me know what you think and we`ll sort it out with the Admin team of the SD.
John.
 
It's a very sad time in your life and I offer my condolences. You must take a lot of comfort and be very proud of the friendship and nurturing you received from your dad. It's a very special and proud time in a mans life when his son becomes his best friend. In your photograph I can see two very proud men. Regards Andrew.
 
Thankyou so much for posting that, I can't imagine how hard that must have been. You have my deepest sympathy. I don't know you, or you me but thankyou all the same.
 
My sincerest condolences to you and your family. That must have been a very difficult post to write, take care pal.
 
I went through exactly the same situation a year past October.
My sympathies and best wishes to you and your family.
The only consolation is that we had the chance to get everything in order and tell our loved ones how much we loved them and although their passing is painful is slightly easier to take.
My best mate lost his dad earlier that year to a sudden heart attack and is still finding it hard as he didn't get the chance to say his good-byes.

Every day it does get easier but even now some daft wee thing sets me off thinking about dad and weeping.

Take care and I'll be joining you for Movember.

Ed
 
Back
Top