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Thread: The Toilet Seat

  1. #1

    The Toilet Seat

    The Toilet Seat

    My wife had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while she was out. After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned.

    She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.

    About that time, I got home and realized her predicament. We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever.

    Finally, in desperation, I undid the toilet seat bolts. She wrapped a sheet around herself. I drove her to the hospital emergency room. The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this).

    She tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."

    The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them...... I just never saw one mounted and framed."

    “If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

  2. #2

    but would be better with some pictures!!

  3. #3
    Bet you have to spend ages sanding and re-varnishing now. Least you'll get a good laugh every time you sit on the loo from now on.

  4. #4
    Sonia Snell

    This is the tale of Sonia Snell
    To whom an accident befell,
    An accident, as will be seen,
    Embarrassing in the extreme.
    It happened as it does to many
    That Sonia went to spend a penny,
    And entering with unconscious grace
    The properly appointed Place;
    There behind the railway station
    She sat in silent meditation
    Unfortunately unacquainted
    The seat had recently been painted.
    Too late did Sonia realize
    Her inability to rise,
    And though she struggled, pulled and yelled
    She found that she was firmly held.
    She raised her voice in mournful shout,
    "Please, someone, come and get me out."
    A crowd stood round and feebly sniggered,
    A signalman said: "I'll be jiggered."
    "Gor blimey," said an ancient porter,
    "We ought to soak her off with water."
    The station master and his staff
    Were most polite and did not laugh.
    They tugged at Sonia's hands and feet
    But could not shift her off the seat.
    A carpenter arrived at last
    And finding Sonia still stuck fast
    Remarked: "I know what I can do."
    And quickly sawed the seat in two.
    Sonia arose, only to find
    She'd a wooden halo on her behind.
    But an ambulance drove down the street
    And bore her off complete with seat.
    They rushed the wood-bustled girl
    Quickly into hospital
    And grasping her hands and head.
    Placed her face downwards on a bed.
    The doctors came and cast their eyes
    Upon the seat with some surprise.
    A surgeon said: "Now mark my word
    Could anything be more absurd?
    Have any of you, I implore,
    Seen anything like this before?"
    "Yes," cried a student, unashamed,
    "Frequently - but never framed."

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