News just in from Strasbourg on the latest developments in the language policy for Europe (pronounced Y eurpl) which is the next step towards full European integration.

The European Union Commissioners have announced that agreement has finally been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year plan for what is known as Euro English (or Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". Sertainly, some sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters will have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the ever troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This makes the words like fotograf 20 per sent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Linguists will enkorage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the language is disgasful, and they would go.

By the forth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be droped from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vuld of kurs be aplied to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrirun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru!