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Thread: An old one of mine

  1. #1

    An old one of mine

    I was cleaning up an old laptop last night, and came across this article I'd written for a fishing forum I was on a few years ago. II thought I'd post it here on the off-chance it may give somebody a chuckle

    An Article

    on the widely-practised art of 'Falling In'

    I hope this will serve as a valuable guide to the fishermen here, as well as perhaps being of interest to those who accompany them, or indeed anyone whose pursuits involve proximity to water, whether flowing or still.

    Sooner or later, we all have to face the fact that our angling careers are likely to result in the occasional immersion in the habitat of our quarry. With that in mind, I would like to put forward a few words regarding my own modest experiences of this. Over the years, I have come to regard 'falling in' as a minority art form, and have established a few rules-of-thumb that may well serve my fellows.

    Subtlety is all when it comes to maximum effect. Remember, any fool can blindly throw themselves into the water. But it is the mark of the connoisseur to display a certain panache when demonstrating this art form.

    The 'Classic Porpoise'

    In order to fully appreciate the satisfaction of successfully performing this tricky move, it is desirable that one has an audience. Livestock may suffice, but the preferred witnesses should ideally be able to assist with the retrieval of lost articles of tackle on cessation of the inevitable merriment (although one's dignity will be rendered irrecoverable)
    This is the simplest maneuver, and can be performed downstream, upstream, or whilst crossing a moderately shallow flow of water. I would therefore recommend that beginners gain familiarity with this technique prior to attempting some of the more advanced measures.
    One's tackle plays an important part in this technique, and it is imperative to ensure that either one's net, wading staff, or tailer is placed about the person in such a manner as to ensure that (at the appropriate moment, of course) it will insinuate itself between the legs in order to precipitate an initial, off-balance forwards movement. (In the absence of some, or all, of the listed equipment, ones dog will produce a satisfactory result).
    For the purist, no attempt should be made at this point to regain balance, although the beginner may be excused his ignorance of the inevitable outcome. It is a matter for personal choice as to whether one includes a half-twist to either left or right, or a complete reversal of direction.

    The 'Reverse Porpoise'

    This is best practiced whilst downstream wet-fly fishing. Preparation must be given careful consideration, remember. One's fly box should be in an unbuttoned pocket, along with both cigarettes and matches (if carried). The presence of a lit cigarette between the lips is permitted, but concentration upon the task in hand must be given full consideration. The angler should carefully fish his way downstream, paying close attention to eddies and likely spots of slack water whilst simultaneously paying none to what lies immediately below. It is a matter of debate as to which foot should be placed upon the undetected loose stone, but (as the end result is the same) it really matters not. Immediately subsequent to contact with this loose stone, the leg attached to whichever foot is employed should be brought smartly up and across. This will allow the current to obtain sufficient purchase to effectively spin the angler in such a manner that the retrieval of balance should be almost impossible. It is considered bad form to curse (although a small, startled, noise is permissable) and the classic finish is a graceful backwards entry to the water with arms out-stretched.

    'The Plunge'

    A fairly advanced technique, not for the faint-hearted. If one wishes to be considered as having reached the pinnacle of the art, then it is obligatory that the loss of all tackle (apart from the rod) must result as a consequence. Chest waders are an advantage (although not strictly necessary), and the technique is most often practiced whilst fishing salmon rivers following heavy, early-season spates.

    Proceed with caution (freely laced with complacency) as a hitherto well-known pool is fished down. At some point on the downstream journey, one must descend gracefully (yet rapidly) in a perpendicular fashion into a hollow on the river bottom conveniently formed by the afore-mentioned spates. Again, personal choice dictates at which point downstream one will emerge, but experts contend that 'the further the travel, the more accomplished the artist'. (The author personally has never managed further than 30 yards. This is therefore considered to be the acceptable minimum)

    'The Ricochet'

    Not strictly a purists method, as successful completion is quite straightforward, and achievable by fisherman and non-fisherman alike. One is required to begin the manouevre whilst on the bank some distance from the main body of water (this technique lends itself well to both flowing and stillwater, incidentally)
    Approach the waters edge with a confident step (a grassy bank and a recent downpour will assist those less confident in achieving a successful outcome) At the precise moment one wishes to cease forward movement, either foot should be placed unerringly on approximately six square inches of mud. The desired result is a satisfactory impact and (as the name suggests) a 'ricochet' to assist in the transition from land to water. If extra visual impact is desired, one can begin the maneuver whilst some distance from the water. It is advisory, however, that the exercise begins at the beginning of a gently sloping bank, or the outcome will be less than satisfactory.

    I hope, in some way, that my humble words of advice may offer some small encouragement to my fellow fishermen in their strive for attainment of the perfect technique
    A Man should be wise, but never too wise. He who does not know his fate in advance is free of care

  2. #2
    Ha ha very good.

    Thankfully in 30 years of fishing I have never fallen in.

    My one faux pas was when fishing of Bradwell many years ago with a pal. We went to leave the marina at first light on a cold and crisp February morning on low water, when a minute later we hit a sand bank while in the still in the marina...

    Looking over the side, I saw lots of stones and shingle and thought I could just jump down and push us off...

    Anyway - lets just say that when jumping overboard I was then swallowed up to my waist in freezing cold stinking sand...

    Learnt a valuable lesson about patience that day...

  3. #3
    Aged 12 years, I took possesion of a beautifully crafted wooden tackle box / lidded seat, I set it canalside at the basin opposite Telford's warehouse on the Shroppie, proudly all tackled up for the large Bream known to be resident, first cast from my seated position saw me slide from the finely varnished lid into a vertical plunge up to my chin, I will call this the "Piano stool" method.
    (The Unspeakable In Pursuit Of The Uneatable.) " If I can help, I will help!." Former S.A.C.S. member!

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by finnbear270 View Post
    first cast from my seated position saw me slide from the finely varnished lid into a vertical plunge up to my chin, I will call this the "Piano stool" method.
    A Man should be wise, but never too wise. He who does not know his fate in advance is free of care

  5. #5
    Hmmm relate to all that. A few years ago stalking hinds in the Cairngorms in February with masses of snow I managed to go straight into a deep pool while crossing a burn. And I mean swimming! Got out, shook water out of rifle, stainless and plastic fortunately and carried on stalking into hinds we had spotted. 20 mins later and lying in snow I was so cold and shivery I could barely keep the reticule still Got them both and was extremely lucky the stalker wasn't far away with the Argo and we had radios
    Lesson learned!


  6. #6
    SD Regular johngryphon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    North Eastern Victoria Australia Mitta Mitta Sambar country.
    Deer Dog Available
    We were 'fishing for deer' up in the mountains and after a lot of rain the top end of the Howqua R was running a banker in full white water fury. I had crossed via a fallen tree and a couple of the lads had yelled out "where did you cross"

    "just upstream about 100 yards"

    There were two logs 50 yards apart and as I re crossed on my 'good one' I looked upstream and saw both of the lads fall off (the slippery one) the log into the white water. Think of a day as cold as it gets to go for a dip fully clothed with rifle.

    Aussie humour means that the laughs were not forced ha ha.
    04-07-2018, 19:32I must admit i read a lot of john's dog posts above and just cringe when i read them .........Countryboy 04-07-201804-07-2018, 19:32

    It amazes me as to how many Aussies are lurking on this forum as members of the Secret Squirrel Society.

  7. #7
    Pleasant read, thanks for sharing. Very reminiscent of a famous American outdoor humor writer named Patrick F. McManus. If you have not read him I suggest you get one of his books. An excellent start would be "They Shoot Canoes, don't they!"

  8. #8
    We've all suffered the ignominy of a bank-side waterloging at some time or other.

  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Cootmeurer View Post
    famous American outdoor humor writer named Patrick F. McManus. If you have not read him I suggest you get one of his books
    Just Googled him. He sounds like an author I'd enjoy. Thanks for the pointer!
    A Man should be wise, but never too wise. He who does not know his fate in advance is free of care

  10. #10
    A few years ago I went worm dangling with my Brother, quite literally worm dangling from high banks over the river, trying to catch chub.
    The back gave way and I went for a dip!
    I climbed out, got undressed, rang out my cloth and dried myself up as best as I could, whilst I was stood starker drying myself a pair of woman, one pushing a pram, walked past and took a good long look!
    I got dressed in my water proofs and walked down to tell my Brother and not happy with telling him, I showed him how the bank gave way! yes you've guessed same result!
    Again standing there for a second time the same couple of woman came back the opposite way, I just winked this time.

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