Old one but still funny:

A chap goes to the doctors covered in boils and ulcers. The doctor over a period of weeks and weeks gives him every known remedy known to man, but it makes no difference, he still looks gruesome. The doctor says I'm sorry there is no more I can do for you, I've tried everything.
The chap says well that's it then I'll have to top myself, I can't bear to look in the mirror evey morning and seeing myself like this.
The doctor said look, at medical school,there was a witch doctor, I have his current address if you want to look him up, maybe he can help.
The chap was game for anything. He see's the witch doctor, who can't see what the fuss is about. I can cure you, no problem. But, I must warn you the treatment is a bit drastic, but I garuantee I can cure you. Ok. says the chap what do I have to do?
The first thing you must do said the witch doctor is to kill and dismember your best mate, not just a friend, your best mate. You then have to put him in a big cooking pot, bring him to the boil, simmer for 8 hours, then let it go cold.
Skim the grease from the top of the pot and rub it all over your body, by the morning you'll have a complexion like Katie Boyle.
Oh no, I can't do that, not my best mate.
That's the only cure said the witch doctor.
He woke up the following morning, took one look in the mirror, gruesome. He made his mind up he would do it. He lured his best mate round, did the foul deed, chopped him up, boiled him up, rendered him down and rubbed the grease all over his body.
He looked in the mirror next morning, he could not believe his eyes. His complexion was flawless.
He went rushing over to the witch doctors to break the news. The witch doctor said there, I told you so.
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. Marvelous stuff, this PAL-O-MINE lotion.