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Thread: 2010 Darwin Awards, you have got to love number 3

  1. #1

    2010 Darwin Awards, you have got to love number 3

    I got this of another site.


    You've been waiting for them with bated breath, so without further ado here
    are the 2010 Darwin awards.

    8th Place
    In Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water
    after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve
    his car keys.

    7th Place
    A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran,"
    accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

    6th Place
    While at the beach, Daniel Jones, 21, dug an 8-foot hole for protection from
    the wind and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom, when it
    collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach used
    their hands and shovels trying to get him out but could not reach him. It
    took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him. Jones
    was pronounced dead at a hospital.

    5th Place
    Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed as he fell through the ceiling of a
    bicycle shop he was robbing. Death was caused when the long torch he had
    placed in his mouth to keep his hands free, rammed into the base of his
    skull as he hit the floor.

    4th Place
    Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed as he won a bet with friends who
    said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and
    pull the trigger.

    3rd Place
    After walking around a marked police patrol car parked at the front door, a
    man walked into H&J Leather & Firearms intent on robbing the store. The shop
    was full of customers and a uniformed officer was standing at the counter.
    Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up and fired a
    few wild shots from a target pistol. The officer and a clerk promptly
    returned fire and several customers also drew their guns and fired. The
    robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene
    investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
    subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified rounds
    from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt.

    Paul Stiller, 47, and his wife Bonnie were bored just driving around at 2
    a.m. So they lit a stick of dynamite to toss out the window to see what
    would happen. Apparently they failed to notice the window was closed.

    Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when one of them said
    they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from a local bridge in the middle
    of traffic. The conversation grew more heated and at least 10 men trooped
    along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30 a.m. Upon arrival at the midpoint of
    the bridge they discovered that no one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham,
    who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a coil of
    lineman's cable lay nearby. They secured one end around Bingham's leg and
    then tied the other (!) to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the
    cable tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived
    his fall into the icy water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.
    Bingham's foot was never located.

    Zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his constipated
    elephant 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs
    and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally got relief.
    Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing
    elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded. The sheer
    force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the
    ground where he struck his head on a rock as the elephant continued to
    evacuate 200 pounds of dung on top of him. It seems to be just one of those
    freak accidents that proves....**** happens!


  2. #2
    Well it made me laugh!! if they are all really true its even funnier

  3. #3
    SD Regular
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Herefordshire, Hampshire or Essex
    I LOVE the Darwin Awards - every year there's something more bizarre. I have the books of them as part of the 'Loo' collection. The Urban legends such as 'The Bricklayer' and 'JATO' are just amazing (

    Here's a topical 'Roping a Deer' Urban Legend from 2007

    Darwin says, "Darwin warns, "This is an Urban Legend. I cannot find an original soure, nor any confirmation. Although Snopes has not yet addressed its veracity (as of 2/2008) its widespread presence on the Internet and its overall tone lead me to consider it to be invented. Please contact me if you have information!"

    Names have been removed to protect the stupid!

    I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, sweet feed it on corn for a few weeks, then butcher it and eat it. Yum! Corn-fed venison. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer.

    Since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not have much fear of me (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck four feet away) it should not be difficult to rope one, toss a bag over its head to calm it down, then hog-tie it and transport it home.

    I filled the cattle feeder and hid behind it with my rope. The cattle, having seen a roping or two before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.

    After 20 minutes, my deer showed up, 3 of them. I picked a likely looking one, stepped out, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell she was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.

    I took a step toward it. It took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope, and received an education. The first thing I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, it is spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

    That deer EXPLODED.

    The second thing I learned is that, pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range, I could fight down with some dignity. A deer? No chance.

    That thing ran and bucked, it twisted and pulled. There was no controlling that deer, and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer firmly attached to a rope was not such a good idea. The only upside is that they do not have much stamina.

    A brief ten minutes later it was tired, and not as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head.

    At that point, I had lost my appetite for corn-fed venison. I hated the thing, and would hazard a guess that the feeling was mutual. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope. But if I let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painful somewhere.

    Despite the gash in my head, and several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's pell-mell flight by bracing my head against large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to suffer a slow death.

    I managed to get it lined up between my truck and the feeder, a little trap I had set beforehand, like a squeeze chute. I backed it in there, and I started moving forward to get my rope back.

    Did you know that deer bite? They do!

    I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab hold of that rope, and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like a horse, it does not just bite and let go. A deer bites and shakes its head, like a pit bull. They bite HARD and won't let go. It hurts!

    The proper reaction when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and wrenching away. My method was ineffective. It felt like that deer bit and shook me for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.

    Reader Andy says, "Roping a deer (or grabbing a wounded deer by the horns) may seem outrageous but it has been done! And the deer don't like it at all. This kind of foolishness happens frequently. How do I know? I live in North Central Montana and I tried to rope a deer myself once, but I missed. Thankfully. Deer are savage animals when trapped."

    Reader Grady nominates another deer hunter.

    I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I learned my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

    Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up and strike at head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp. I learned long ago that when a horse strikes at you with its hooves and you can't get away, the best thing to do is make a loud noise and move aggressively towards the animal. This will cause it to back down a bit, so you can make your escape.

    This was not a horse. This was a deer. Obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and turned to run.
    Darwin intercepted a bounced email from email-a-friend: "After reading this I think I will work on a better scheme. Was reading up on lariats and honda knots, roping technique and supplies, gettin real exited with the idea. Didn't want to feed him corn or anything, just slit his throat real quiet like. Oh well..."

    The reason we have been taught NOT to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer are not so different from horses after all, other than being twice as strong and three times as evil. The second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

    When a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately depart. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What it does instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you, while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

    I finally managed to crawl under the truck, and the deer went away. Now I know why people go deer hunting with a rifle and a scope. It's so they can be somewhat equal to the prey.
    Nooooooooooooobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!! Our main weapon is.........

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