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Thread: Governmentium the Heaviest Element known to Science

  1. #1

    Governmentium the Heaviest Element known to Science

    Queens University researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (symbol=Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

    These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.

    A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2 to 5 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.

    In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium (symbol = Ad), an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.

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  3. #3
    Account Suspended
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Bonnie Scotland
    I like it.

    By heaviest, I take it you mean Densest. The local Governmentium and Administratium in this area is renowned for being particularly dense and very expensive to penetrate. I live in South Lanarkshire. However, I believe recent "high-level" enquiries may lead to a slight purification of the substance matter which may remove, or conceal more effectively, the cost of penetration but I've no expectation that this will lead to it becoming any less dense, probably the converse.

    The list of sub-atomic particles should also be extended to include cretins... A congenital condition common among families of morons and evidently quite frequently occuring in the administratium hereabouts, which greatly increases the cost of penetration though only the apparent density, not the actual morass.

  4. #4
    As a government employee I can wipe away the tears and say, GREAT! ~Muir

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