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Thread: Politicians and Doctors

  1. #1

    Politicians and Doctors

    You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you.

    You are carrying a Glock 40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?

    Politicians Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!

    Does the man look poor! Or oppressed?

    Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

    Could we run away?

    What does my wife think? What about the kids?

    Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway,
    Conservative's Answer: BANG!

    Hillbilly's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

    Click..... (Sounds of reloading)

    BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!

    Click

    Daughter: "Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?"

    Son: "Can I shoot the next one!"

    Wife: "You Ain't Taking That To The Taxidermist!"

    ---------------------------------------------------------------

    Doctors:
    (A) The number of doctors in the U.S. Is 700,000.
    (B) Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are 120,000.
    (C) Accidental deaths per physician is 17.14%. Statistics courtesy of the U.S. Dept. Of Health & Human Services

    Guns:
    (A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000 (yes that's 80 million).
    (B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.
    (C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.001875%.

    Statistics courtesy of the FBI

    So statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

    Remember, guns don't kill people, doctors do.

    FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR

    Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!!!

    Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention.

  2. #2
    Just about bang on at every point I would say Mark H, made me laugh.

  3. #3

    Bang Bang

    I'm with the hillbilly's

    Mark you forgot the H & S assessment

    Wayne

  4. #4
    Very funny

    As for the Hill Billies 'Amylou-Charlene, git ma guuun, wer'e going to a hoe-down......yea..har!

  5. #5

    jokes

    Fantastic stuff!! I'm glad I signed up for this forum just for some of these jokes alone, can't wait to see my boss's face when I quote the stats in our next H&S minute before a meeting.

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