1. At a local high school a group of students played a prank... they let three goats loose inside the school. But before turning them loose, they painted numbers on the sides of the goats: 1, 2, and 4. School Staff spent most of the day looking for No. 3.

2. A traveling salesman asked a little boy who answered the door if his mother was at home. The little boy answered "No, she is at the whore house". The salesman said, "Oh, she's a prostitute"? The little boy answered, "No, she's a substitute, she only works on Tuesdays and Thursdays"!

3. A Man shouts to his wife from the bedroom, "Hey honey come look at my new clock". His wife walks in to find her hubby naked with a hard on. His wife says "that's not a clock at all. Hubby looks up with a smirk and says "It will be when you put two hands and face on it".

4. I fancied a take-away last night, so I phoned Kings China Buffet, the guy answered, and said Herro Iím Wan King the cook, I said no worries mate Iíll call back later.

5. If a Stork brings white babies & crows bring black babies, what brings no babies? A SWALLOW!!

6. Jim the plumber cruelly left his wife Florence after 30 years of marriage.
The note he left on the table simply said "It's over flow...."

7. Many woman wear far to much make up theses days I found that my wife is wearing just the right amount of foundation.
She's buried under the house.

8. I walked into a car showroom last night.
I said to the salesman, "My wife would like to talk to you about the Volkswagen Golf in the window." He said, "We don't have a Volkswagen Golf in the window."
I said, "You do now."

9. Firemen have just rescued an Irish man with his penis stuck in a condom machine. They asked him what happened and he said, 'the sign says, insert £2 and push knob in'.

10. A dad and his daughter are in the garden, and the daughter says:
''Is that a mummy long-legs on top of that daddy long-legs?''
''No'' Says Dad ''There is no such thing as mummy long-legs, only daddy long-legs''
The dad was very impressed by his daughterís inquisitive mind until she stood on both of them and said. ''We'll have none of that gay **** in our f**king garden!''