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Thread: some women !

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    some women !

    Do you ever look at your wife's face when you make love?

    I did once and saw the anger in her face.

    Why anger?

    Because she was watching from the window.


    I was banned from that internet-dating site you sent me.


    I completed the sign-up form and answered the question. ‘What do you like most in a woman?’ Apparently 'my p**is is not is not an acceptable answer.


    Marriage is like a deck of cards.

    In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

    By the end, you wish you had a damn club and a spade.


    I got an e-mail today from a bored housewife who is looking for some hot action.

    Cool, what did you do?

    I sent her my ironing, that'll keep the lazy bi*ch busy.


    Hmm, left a bit … Now right a bit ... Ok, forward a bit ...

    Listen woman, are we sha**ing or parking.'


    Darling, do I please you in bed?

    Yes I love that trick you do with your mouth.

    What trick?

    The one where you shut up and go to sleep.


    Welcome to the Fitness Gym, I will be your personal trainer, do you have any questions before we start?

    Yes, if I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine should I use?

    The ATM outside.'


    Hey babes, you're looking fantashtic tonight, you up for a bit of shnookie?

    Get away from me, you only ever want sex when you're drunk.

    That's not true, sometimes I want a pizza.


    'I've decided to get into shape, Is swimming good for your figure'?

    'If swimming is good for you, explain the whale to me'.


    'What would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb'?

    'Thank's I'll have chicken'.

    You're having soup ar***e I was talking to the cat.'


    'My condolences, I heard your husband passed away.'

    'Thank you he died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch.'

    'Oh no that's terrible, what did you do?' 'Opened a can of peas instead'.


    It's our 50th anniversary honey, can you remember what you said to me on our wedding night?

    Yes dear, I said, oh baby, i'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and shag your brains out.

    'Giggle' And what do you have to say tonight?

    Mission accomplished.


    Women claim “that there's nothing worse than a male chauvinist pig!”

    There is actually ... “A woman who won't do as she's told.”

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