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Thread: some women !

  1. #1

    some women !

    Do you ever look at your wife's face when you make love?

    I did once and saw the anger in her face.

    Why anger?

    Because she was watching from the window.

    ********************************

    I was banned from that internet-dating site you sent me.

    'Why'?

    I completed the sign-up form and answered the question. ‘What do you like most in a woman?’ Apparently 'my p**is is not is not an acceptable answer.

    ********************************

    Marriage is like a deck of cards.

    In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

    By the end, you wish you had a damn club and a spade.

    ********************************

    I got an e-mail today from a bored housewife who is looking for some hot action.

    Cool, what did you do?

    I sent her my ironing, that'll keep the lazy bi*ch busy.

    ********************************

    Hmm, left a bit … Now right a bit ... Ok, forward a bit ...

    Listen woman, are we sha**ing or parking.'

    ********************************

    Darling, do I please you in bed?

    Yes I love that trick you do with your mouth.

    What trick?

    The one where you shut up and go to sleep.

    ********************************

    Welcome to the Fitness Gym, I will be your personal trainer, do you have any questions before we start?

    Yes, if I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine should I use?

    The ATM outside.'

    ********************************

    Hey babes, you're looking fantashtic tonight, you up for a bit of shnookie?

    Get away from me, you only ever want sex when you're drunk.

    That's not true, sometimes I want a pizza.

    ********************************

    'I've decided to get into shape, Is swimming good for your figure'?

    'If swimming is good for you, explain the whale to me'.

    ********************************

    'What would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb'?

    'Thank's I'll have chicken'.

    You're having soup ar***e I was talking to the cat.'

    ********************************

    'My condolences, I heard your husband passed away.'

    'Thank you he died last week. He went out to the garden to dig up a cabbage for dinner, had a heart attack and dropped down dead right there in the middle of the vegetable patch.'

    'Oh no that's terrible, what did you do?' 'Opened a can of peas instead'.

    ********************************

    It's our 50th anniversary honey, can you remember what you said to me on our wedding night?

    Yes dear, I said, oh baby, i'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and shag your brains out.

    'Giggle' And what do you have to say tonight?

    Mission accomplished.

    ********************************

    Women claim “that there's nothing worse than a male chauvinist pig!”

    There is actually ... “A woman who won't do as she's told.”


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