Man: Give me 3 packets of condoms Please.

Shop assistant: Do you need a paper bag with that Sir.

Man: No, she isnít that ugly.
A 3 -foot midget walks into a bar and slips over on a pile of ****. Minutes later a huge tough guy walks into the bar and slips over on the pile of ****, the midget says to the big guy, "I just did that", and the big guy punches the midgetís lights out.

It's the second most popular English word beginning with F and ending with K.

My girl friend came down from having a bath, gave me a wink and said I've just shaved my pussy and you know what that means? I said yeah the f**king plugholes blocked again!!

According to Tetley... the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag.

So every morning I slap the wife on the bum and say "Two sugars fatty!"

A man comes home form work to find his wife in bed with his three best friends.
The man asks "Hello, hello, hello, what's all this then?" to which the wife replies "Not going to say hello to me then?"


19 Paddies go to the cinema, the ticket lady asks "Why are there so many of you?" Mick says "The film said eighteen or over"


John grew up with the last name Shnell and always hated it.
The other boys always made fun of his name, calling him Snail, and challenged him to race. He was so hurt that with a lot of hard work, he became successful, and wanted to get back at everyone who had made fun of him.
So he went out and bought the fastest sports car he could find, and had a great big "S" painted on the door.
Now as he speeds down the road, he can hear the people say, "Wow! Look at that 'S' car go!"
My 18 year old son came home from school today, disgruntled
The mathís teacher had asked what followed after 69.
"Mouthwash" got him detention.