************ birthday **************

Will Gallant

Well-Known Member
I've just noticed the date - 22nd. April. That means by my reckoning that Tuesday'll be the 24th. Which means it's my birthday. Which means I'll be
sixty-poxy-six. Oh, B****CKS !

Now, those privileged few of you who know me will almost certainly find that hard, not to say impossible, to believe since I only look 40 and am still massively alluring to all women. But it's true.

So, guys, please, please, please and please again with a cherry on top - I want loads of messages conveying deep and genuine heartfelt sympathy so I don't feel so old and unloved.

No "Happy Birthday" cards and messages thanks. Take my word for it - there's f**k all "happy" about it.

But presents ...... ah yes now, presents. I do like presents. Ever such a lot. But please, whatever else you do, don't embarrass me by sending anything .......... er .......... you know ........ er, cheap !

Had it happen to me last year. Pals of mine (pals my arse) phoned to say that as it was my 65th. and a bit of a milestone they had clubbed together and were sending me a new telescopic sight. "Oh, Christ, you shouldn't have done that" said I. "It's nothing, anything for a friend" said they back. I don't know quite what I was expecting with bated excitement - but probably something European, 4-80 variable x 200 (eyeballs are going) with a parallax eliminator, illuminated reticule, bullet drop compensator, rangefinder and a Goblin Teasmaid on top. And a compass and a fishing rod. Something around that mark would've done the trick. What did I get though ? Three cardboard bog-roll centres cellotaped in line with clingfilm over each end and a black cotton crosshair glued on. What pricks. I hope they all die in pain just before some Christmas or other and just before they get the chance to open their own prezzies !

My very good young friend, Deer Assassin on this site, is taking me salmon fishing later in the week. Says he's gonna teach me how to fish properly and catch shitloads. I know him and so I know there'll be a bit of a competition going on. I also know he doesn't know that I know all about Cymag :) He's still got tad to learn from this old fool !

Jack Nicholson once said of all of us in this age bracket in his film Bucket List (I recommend it) - "never give up the opportunity to take a ****, never waste a hard-on, and never trust a fart." Is this really what I've got coming to me ?

Nearly in tears as I'm so sorry for me, but regards to all,

Will Gallant
(there now, see ?? I'm that old I can't even think of a snappy username for myself)
 
Not yet affecting the important bits adversely. My doctor wanted to check it out with a finger a couple of years back. Told him to phuck off as he'd never even taken me to dinner.
 
You have my condolence Will.... as for presents, I have a zimmer that my Nan no longer needs if it's any use to you :D

BTW, I thought that was a snappy username.
 
If your lucky Will next time I up your way I'll show you how to shoot. You would be lucky to hit a barn door with that stick you call a 7mm.
Happy birthday good luck fishing. At your age you need all the luck ha ha.
Cheers Andrew
 
Well phuck me sideways if I'm not all overcome with emotion over the extremely sensitive and sympathetic nature of your posts. Go **** up a rope - the lot ya. I'm ever so hurt.
 
Must have been keen...

He was. I wasn't. "Stop clenching" he screamed as I snapped the first joint of his finger. That was as far as it went and I never went back. Think I'll wait 'til some gorgeous bird decides to give me one of them prostate massage thingies and comes out with "oooooohh, hunni, what a massive prostate you've got." Then, maybe, I'll let the quack have another shot at it. Maybe. And then under general anaesthetic at that.
 
Many happy returns for Tuesday, its been a few years since we saw each other but l bet you do still only look 40 where as myself does now look 60 and lost most of my hair, good luck with the fishing enjoy your day :tiphat:.
 
Many happy returns when it arrives Will.

As it's my birthday on Saturday that makes me 20 years and 4 days younger than you (not that I'm rubbing it or anything:D)
Hopefully I'll be celebrating by grassing a beast on Saturday.

Atb

Eddie
 
Many happy returns when it arrives Will.

As it's my birthday on Saturday that makes me 20 years and 4 days younger than you (not that I'm rubbing it or anything:D)
Hopefully I'll be celebrating by grassing a beast on Saturday.

Atb

Eddie


Thanks you **** taking ******* and for that I hope you grass nothing but your arse on Saturday !!!!
 
If your lucky Will next time I up your way I'll show you how to shoot. You would be lucky to hit a barn door with that stick you call a 7mm.
Happy birthday good luck fishing. At your age you need all the luck ha ha.
Cheers Andrew

Andrew - ive seen you shooting... who is going to show you? Haha :stir:
 
Hey Will, can you still get a hard-on?????? I thought the little lad went dormant around 60. So that rules you out then....does it????

Only joking lad..have a good one and enjoy yourself.

Spaceball
 
You weren't happy receiving that nice new telescopic sight for your 65th after your mates had put so much effort into it - You ungrateful old codger, what did you expect, a £2,000 Zeis or Swariski? I've come across a few grumpy old men in my time but you really do take the biscuit! At your age you should be grateful for small mercies! I was going to gift you a nice brand new stalking rifle but being as you were so ungrateful about your gift last year the only shooting related thing I will consider sending you is an elastic band (Somewhat perished) and a folded up piece of paper for you to try flicking your birthday card over with - You will notice that I said CARD in the singular and not CARDS in the plural as you really don't deserve more than one, and even then it should be a recycled one from my "that might come in useful one day" bottom draw!
If you would like a really cheap and tacky card from me would you send me your postal details and be prepared to pay for the postage?






















Have a good one mate!:rofl:
 
Hey Will, can you still get a hard-on?????? I thought the little lad went dormant around 60. So that rules you out then....does it????

Only joking lad..have a good one and enjoy yourself.

Spaceball

Yep, 'course I can. And the day it does stop working'll be the day I sling myself off the Forth Road Bridge.
 
You weren't happy receiving that nice new telescopic sight for your 65th after your mates had put so much effort into it - You ungrateful old codger, what did you expect, a £2,000 Zeis or Swariski? I've come across a few grumpy old men in my time but you really do take the biscuit! At your age you should be grateful for small mercies! I was going to gift you a nice brand new stalking rifle but being as you were so ungrateful about your gift last year the only shooting related thing I will consider sending you is an elastic band (Somewhat perished) and a folded up piece of paper for you to try flicking your birthday card over with - You will notice that I said CARD in the singular and not CARDS in the plural as you really don't deserve more than one, and even then it should be a recycled one from my "that might come in useful one day" bottom draw!





























If you would like a really cheap and tacky card from me would you send me your postal details and be prepared to pay for the postage?






















Have a good one mate!:rofl:


Why you unsympathetic barstidge. How cruel. There's me, a poor distressed old man closer than he's ever been to meeting his maker - and all you can do is take the pi$$ and sling uncomplimentary insults his way. I hope your tits fall off and you continue to miss most of what you shoot at :)
 
Now, those privileged few of you who know me will almost certainly find that hard, not to say impossible, to believe since I only look 40 and am still massively alluring to all women. But it's true

We have never been formally introduced, but wern't we in the same queue at Spec savers.
 
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Now see here, lads, all I was looking for was a little sympathetic metorphorical cuddle to make me feel a bit better about getting so old. And I thought "where can that from then ?" And then I thought "I know - from all those lovely fellow stalking guys on SD." Fat chance. Five and a half hundred odd views so far and only a handful of messages and most of them very unsympathetic and generally of the pi$$ taking variety. Where's your compassion ? I'm mortified and the tears are rolling down. Mostly down my legs.
So, to all you insensitive barstidges - go do something useful. Like Give Blood for instance, or as my old lady (medical professional) puts it - "self-harm for a biscuit"
I think I shall now go and kill myself.
 
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