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Thread: Morning Constitutional?

  1. #1

    Morning Constitutional?

    I can't help but notice that every time an essential stalking kit list thread comes up, toilet roll is right up there alongside such items as binos, bolt and ammo!
    I suppose for the average recreational stalker who is used to 'dropping the kids off at the pool' around breakfast time before work will inevitably end up with a conflict of interests at a similar time at the weekend whilst out on the ground!
    It is also part of my carried kit and takes the form of a small packet of travel tissues in my jacket pocket.
    I suspect that I may have been a bear in a previous life though as I find an 'Al Fresco' dump in the woods very liberating! Am I alone in this feeling?

    I did get caught out once though as 2 fallow appeared in front of me whilst lightening my load! Thankfully my rifle was just in front of me on the bipod. A hurried 'crimping -off' allowed me to rock forward onto my knees with my shiny grinner pointing skyward (unwiped!)! Both deer noticed me but seemed rather intrigued by the sight before them! I managed to get both of them before rocking backwards once again to complete the paperwork from the first job!

    I reckon there is also probably a market for some kind of high seat 'Comode' conversion???!!
    MS

  2. #2


    Have only been caught taking a pee by a Fox, he took off in a hell of a rush. I was stranded mid stream and unable to cut short so to speak.

  3. #3
    good lad.... thanks for that

    twice this year I've cut my boxers off and into strips for essential wipe work, it was at least the same last year. Don't worry, any offending used strips were disposed of in an environmentally responsible manner.

  4. #4
    I often have to have a thrupney during a morning stalk. About a year ago I was mentoring a lad and I parked the truck up overlooking several fields to see if there were any roe out that could be stalked. I had to get out to lighten the load. We saw no deer so moved on. Bit later I suggested going back to the bit where we started and have another look, sure enough there was a deer. He got out of the truck and stood straight into my turd. I think he has forgiven me but not sure.

  5. #5
    I was training a group of forestry lads on the Arundel estate one time when the old colon got the elbow... i thought i would find a spot and "mark my territory"

    having relaxed a little knowing that between me and the maker was a whole load of countryside i settled in to enjoy the veiw. AND what a view! looking north from the south downs has got to be one of the worlds greateast wonders. truely beautiful.

    there i was in a state of bliss when out of nowhere came a chinook full of para's rising up and banking towards me. obviously on some sort of training exercise all focused on not falling out and keeping to their drills. i dont know who was more supprised. they were that close i could have shook their hands, the noise was unbelievable. thankfully i was in a balanced stance as the down force nearly put me on my ass!! that could have been real bad.

    what larks pip!!

  6. #6
    'did you see any deer'

    'no just a couple of turds and a skitter darling'

  7. #7
    I always carry an ESK, emergency SxxT kit. I prefer the out doors to some of the facilities I have seen/used. I have done a few things with my pants down, but never shot an animal, well not with a rifle.
    Victory goes to the player who makes the next-to-last mistake..

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Monkey Spanker View Post
    I can't help but notice that every time an essential stalking kit list thread comes up, toilet roll is right up there alongside such items as binos, bolt and ammo!
    I suppose for the average recreational stalker who is used to 'dropping the kids off at the pool' around breakfast time before work will inevitably end up with a conflict of interests at a similar time at the weekend whilst out on the ground!
    It is also part of my carried kit and takes the form of a small packet of travel tissues in my jacket pocket.
    I suspect that I may have been a bear in a previous life though as I find an 'Al Fresco' dump in the woods very liberating! Am I alone in this feeling?

    I did get caught out once though as 2 fallow appeared in front of me whilst lightening my load! Thankfully my rifle was just in front of me on the bipod. A hurried 'crimping -off' allowed me to rock forward onto my knees with my shiny grinner pointing skyward (unwiped!)! Both deer noticed me but seemed rather intrigued by the sight before them! I managed to get both of them before rocking backwards once again to complete the paperwork from the first job!

    I reckon there is also probably a market for some kind of high seat 'Commode' conversion???!!
    MS
    Me and the Mrs just belly laughed, nice one .
    One of the lads i Stalk with was also a Bear in a former life. He has been known to restrain the Turtles Head whilst in Southwaite Services in order to go Alfresco when we arrive at our Stalking ground. He makes it about 300 yards in a morning before disappearing into the Tree line.
    Only advice i can offer is keep your Braces well clear.

    Yorkie.

  9. #9
    Woodland Andrex, good old Sphagnum moss, good enough for wound dressings, good enough for the old cream O'tartar.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by widows son View Post
    Woodland Andrex, good old Sphagnum moss, good enough for wound dressings, good enough for the old cream O'tartar.
    I'm afraid not old chap that's protected.

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