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Thread: Not new, but funny

  1. #1

    Not new, but funny

    WAL-MART APPLICATION

    This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas . They hired him because he was so funny.

    NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy b4stard)

    SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate)

    DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place?

    DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.

    EDUCATION: Yes.

    LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

    PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth.

    MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

    REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

    HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

    PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m . Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

    DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment.

    MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

    DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what?

    DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

    HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me.

    DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

    WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

    NEAREST RELATIVE : 7 miles

    DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely
    Last edited by Eyefor; 19-05-2012 at 10:16.
    Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it, hump it or learn from it then piss on it and walk away.

    "HOSPITALITY" - the art of making guests feel at home (when you wish they were).



  2. #2
    Not new, and unfortunately not true either. The piece was originally written for an internet humour forum in 1997, and has been re-posted with minor variations since. This version saw the light in 2008. See www.snopes.com/humor/letters/mcdonald.asp

  3. #3

  4. #4
    I recall reading a true story about Wallmart, which goes like this. A retired male was employed by Wallmart as a customer greeter ( UK equivalent to ASDA greeter), apparently he was brilliant at his job, and was heaped praise upon by Wallmart's customers, however.. he would always be late for work. This caused the store manager to speak to the store greeter, he told the greeter that everyone thought he was brilliant, he was well turned out polite, informative, helpful and no one could find a fault, except the manager, who said his only concern was the greeters punctuality, he asked the greeter how long he had been with his last employer, answer: 35 years in the navy Sir, manager: were you ever late, and if you were late what was said to you ??, answer: GOOD MORNING ADMIRAL, WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF COFFEE, priceless
    Last edited by patrickt; 20-05-2012 at 16:47. Reason: bad spelling!!!

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by patrickt View Post
    I recall reading a true story about Wallmart, which goes like this. A retired male was employed by Wallmart as a customer greeter ( UK equivalent to ASDA greeter), apparently he was brilliant at his job, and was heaped praise upon by Wallmart's customers, however.. he would always be late for work. This caused the store manager to speak to the store greeter, he told the greeter that everyone thought he was brilliant, he was well turned out polite, informative, helpful and no one could find a fault, except the manager, who said his only concern was the greeters punctuality, he asked the greeter how long he had been with his last employer, answer: 35 years in the navy Sir, manager: were you ever late, and if you were late what was said to you ??, answer: GOOD MORNING ADMIRAL, WOULD YOU LIKE A CUP OF COFFEE, priceless
    That's great

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Chanty Wrassler View Post
    Not new, and unfortunately not true either. The piece was originally written for an internet humour forum in 1997, and has been re-posted with minor variations since. This version saw the light in 2008. See www.snopes.com/humor/letters/mcdonald.asp
    Oh well done in getting to the spirit of the "Jokes & Funnies" section... BOOO!

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by aliS View Post
    Oh well done in getting to the spirit of the "Jokes & Funnies" section... BOOO!
    This is an actual post that someone put on an internet thread

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Chanty Wrassler View Post
    This is an actual post that someone put on an internet thread
    Yes they did, In the "Jokes and Funnies" section

    Neil.

  9. #9
    It may not be true , but don't you just wish it was

  10. #10
    have read that before but its still funny

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