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Thread: nicked from elsewhere

  1. #1

    nicked from elsewhere

    >>This was posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas Website
    >>by an employee there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of
    >>course, does not have a sense of humour, and made the web department take
    >>it down immediately. (For once, the "IMPORTANT" note at the end is worth
    >>a read too.)
    >>
    >>Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order
    >>to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out
    >>the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is
    >>not required, but the information will help us to develop new products
    >>that best meet your needs and desires.
    >>
    >>1. [_] Mr.
    >> [_] Mrs.
    >> [_] Ms.
    >> [_] Miss
    >> [_] Lt.
    >> [_] Gen.
    >> [_] Comrade
    >> [_] Classified
    >> [_] Other
    >>
    >> First Name: ............................ Initial: .........
    >>
    >> Last Name:..................................
    >>
    >> Password: ........................ (max. 8 char)
    >>
    >> Code Name:............................................. ............
    >>
    >> Latitude - Longitude - Altitude:....................................
    >>
    >>2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
    >> [_] F-14 Tomcat
    >> [_] F-15 Eagle
    >> [_] F-16 Falcon
    >> [_] F-117A Stealth
    >> [_] Classified
    >>
    >>3. Date of purchase (year / month / day): ......./....... /......
    >>
    >>4. Serial Number: .............................................
    >>
    >>5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:
    >> [_] Received as gift / aid package
    >> [_] Catalogue / showroom
    >> [_] Independent arms broker
    >> [_] Mail order
    >> [_] Discount store
    >> [_] Government surplus
    >> [_] Classified
    >>
    >>6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product
    >>you have just purchased:
    >> [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
    >> [_] Store display
    >> [_] Espionage
    >> [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
    >> [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
    >> [_] Was attacked by one
    >>
    >>7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
    >>decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
    >> [_] Style / appearance
    >> [_] Speed / maneuverability
    >> [_] Price / value
    >> [_] Comfort / convenience
    >> [_] Kickback / bribe
    >> [_] Recommended by salesperson
    >> [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
    >> [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
    >> [_] Backroom politics
    >> [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat
    >>
    >>8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
    >> [_] North America
    >> [_] Iraq
    >> [_] Iraq
    >> [_] Aircraft carrier
    >> [_] Iraq
    >> [_] Europe
    >> [_] Iraq
    >> [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
    >> [_] Iraq
    >> [_] Africa
    >> [_] Iraq
    >> [_] Asia / Far East
    >> [_] Iraq
    >> [_] Miscellaneous Third World countries
    >> [_] Iraq
    >> [_] Classified
    >> [_] Iraq
    >>
    >>9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
    >>purchase in the near future:
    >> [_] Color TV
    >> [_] VCR
    >> [_] ICBM
    >> [_] Killer Satellite
    >> [_] CD Player
    >> [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
    >> [_] Space Shuttle
    >> [_] Home Computer
    >> [_] Nuclear Weapon
    >>
    >>10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Indicate all
    >>that apply)
    >> [_] Communist / Socialist
    >> [_] Terrorist
    >> [_] Crazed
    >> [_] Neutral
    >> [_] Democratic
    >> [_] Dictatorship
    >> [_] Corrupt
    >> [_] Primitive / Tribal
    >>
    >>11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
    >> [_] Deficit spending
    >> [_] Cash
    >> [_] Suitcases of cocaine
    >> [_] Oil revenues
    >> [_] Personal check
    >> [_] Credit card
    >> [_] Ransom money
    >> [_] Traveler's check
    >>
    >>12. Your occupation:
    >> [_] Homemaker
    >> [_] Sales / marketing
    >> [_] Revolutionary
    >> [_] Clerical
    >> [_] Mercenary
    >> [_] Tyrant
    >> [_] Middle management
    >> [_] Eccentric billionaire
    >> [_] Defense Minister / General
    >> [_] Retired
    >> [_] Student
    >>
    >>13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
    >>interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
    >>participating on a regular basis:
    >> [_] Golf
    >> [_] Boating / sailing
    >> [_] Sabotage
    >> [_] Running / jogging
    >> [_] Propaganda / misinformation
    >> [_] Destabilization / overthrow
    >> [_] Default on loans
    >> [_] Gardening
    >> [_] Crafts
    >> [_] Black market / smuggling
    >> [_] Collectibles / collections
    >> [_] Watching sports on TV
    >> [_] Wines
    >> [_] Interrogation / torture
    >> [_] Household pets
    >> [_] Crushing rebellions
    >> [_] Espionage / reconnaissance
    >> [_] Fashion clothing
    >> [_] Border disputes
    >> [_] Mutually Assured Destruction
    >>
    >>Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
    >>answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas
    >>serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to receive
    >>mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist
    >>groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus for responding to this
    >>survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert
    >>Thunder Sweepstakes!
    >>
    >>Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:
    >>McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department, Military Aerospace
    >>Division
    >>
    >>IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
    >>addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is
    >>confidential privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with
    >>low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs.
    >>
    >>If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution
    >>or copying of this email is not authorized (either explicitly or
    >>implicitly)and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the
    >>word absquatulation has been used in its correct context somewhere other
    >>than in this warning, it does not have any legal or no grammatical use and
    >>may
    >>be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this email,
    >>though the kelpie next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you.
    >>Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified
    >>to learn there is no hidden message revealed by reading this backwards,
    >>so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a
    >>complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure
    >>that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this eMail
    >>in error, please add some nutmeg and egg whites, whisk, and place in a
    >>warm oven for 40 minutes.

  2. #2
    O.k., that's too funny.

    I'd totally post something like this on our company web site, and I'd get away with it too, since I write the thing.

    GSG

  3. #3
    Now that was worth reading - thanks for the giggle!

    Rgds Ian

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