OK my friend, let's deal with your problems on at a time.
You say that your castle estate in Scotland is over run with more deer than you can handle - The solution is simple. You invite a few of the Stalking Directory members up for a week and we will soon have your deer problem sorted. We wouldn't ask for much in payment but a good old wild party (At your expence, which you can obviously afford quite comfortably) would be nice after each day of deer culling.
This brings me on to the problem with your partner and Kelly Brooks wanting a threesome. At the end of each evenings partying we could all get together and have a whale of a time with both your partner and Kelly Brooks - They would never want for anything more when the lads had finished!
As for your third problem, maybe you ought to try some stalking in the Highlands while wearing a kilt in mid winter. After a few sessions with the biting freezing Highland wind blowing straightup into your Trossachs you would not have any more complaints about your willy being too big - It will almost certainly be ingrowing!
There you go, all of your problems solved in one short post!
You can pay me later mate!