So I asked this scotsman if he had spots when he was younger. He replierd ''Achh neeee''

My mate asked me if I could tell him what someone that comes from Corsica is called? I said Cors-i-can.

Bewrae of alphabet grenades, if you throw one it might spell dissaster!

I used to go out with an anesthetist- she was a local girl.

Last night i dreamt i was choping carrotts with the grim reaper.....dicing with death!

A mate of mine allways wanted to be run over by a steam train, when it happened he was chuffed to bits.