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Thread: Help with an alcoholic please.

  1. #1

    Help with an alcoholic please.

    First of all my apologies if this is considered inappropriate for this site but, being in need of advice, I thought the considerable number of people on here with many diverse backgrounds and experiences might be able to assist me.

    Secondly, this is not my problem (in so far as it is not me who is the alcoholic and pretending it is a third party) but genuinely someone else (the son of a very good business associate, Not from UK but having property & business here but living in 3rd World with little or no options at his locality).

    Third (possibly irrelevant but to give guidance on what could be done) the amount of money needed to fix this is of no consequence to the father.

    Problem 1 is that the son does not admit he has a problem but his actions (which I will refrain from detailing) are evidence enough of a serious problem. Previous treatment in the US has failed and the situation is approaching desperate.

    Problem 2 is that he does not drink a hugely excessive amount of alcohol - it is just that his body appears to be unable to handle it whereas his brother can drink a very large amount and still remain in control (mentally & physically).

    My initial thoughts are to book him in the Priory - but around £30K (ish) for a few weeks is a lot if it does not work? Does anyone have 1st hand experience of their work and could anyone recommend them - or recommend an alternative.

    Should I call alcoholics anonymous - if I am not the (directly) affected person?

    I will answer all PM's if that is anyone's preference.

    Thanks in advance.
    Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it, hump it or learn from it then piss on it and walk away.

    "HOSPITALITY" - the art of making guests feel at home (when you wish they were).



  2. #2
    Untill the person realises that they have a problem I don't think that there is much that can be done, possibly a sit down with all his friends and family with them explaining their concerns might help him realises that he is on the wrong road? Another idea would be to keep the guy busy so that he has no time to drink. Something sporty is good as if they want to get any good at the sport drinking won't help and they may choose to stop altogether.

    Hope that he gets back on the right road soon as the longer its left the worse it will get.
    Casey

  3. #3
    I know from bitter personal experience that you cannot help somebody who doesn't want to helped or doesn't recognise that they have a serious problem. As painful as it might me my recommendation would be to let them reach rock bottom before offering to help, intervening to early is likely to be counter productive in the long term.

    The fact that your friend can get incapacitated by only a relatively small amount of alcohol is probably indicative of some form liver damage, be it temporary or more seriously it could be permanent.

    I do have experience of the Priory and other similar places and they do work well for a good percentage of the people who go there but at the same time they still have a high failure rate, we were told that up to 40% of the patients admitted could not be helped and we were actually refused readmittance on this basis.

  4. #4
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    As Anthony R has said it is all about hitting rock bottom.
    Some peoples rock bottom is very shallow and some peoples is bottomless, the trouble is only that person will know where and when they have reached it.
    Hopefully he will reach the bottom before he self explodes. Only when he does can he start the long climb out.
    “Man surprised me most about humanity. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”........Dalai Lama

  5. #5
    Contact AA. They have a support group for relatives.

    As AnthonyR says you can't help someone who has not hit rock bottom and recognises they need help. You can help those around that person deal with the issues however.

    ​I have known 2 alcoholics and after 20+ years they are both still alcohol dependent.

    Don't expect a quick fix or come to that any fix.

    Very best of luck
    "First impressions are as good as any others" Albert Pierrepoint 1905 - 1992

  6. #6
    Thanks for the replies and I know that getting any alcoholic to admit they have a problem is the first thing that needs resolving.

    I have an alcoholic younger brother who has lost a riverside 5 bedroomed house and a super family - all to alcohol and he won't admit it either. He'll be dead inside 2 years and nobody seems to be able to stop it.

    Spending money on him is a waste (it has been done) and I suppose it's his failing that is concerning me.
    Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it, hump it or learn from it then piss on it and walk away.

    "HOSPITALITY" - the art of making guests feel at home (when you wish they were).



  7. #7
    An incredibly difficult situation and one I have experienced with my father who is an alcoholic but happily has not now had a drink in I think eight years. But what a long and painful process to get there. There was abuse and aggressiveness to every member of the family, in-laws, grandchildren and friends and it was extremely difficult for them to take a stand. In the end it came down to me facing him down in one of his more lucid moments and I 'threw the book' at him but this was also helped greatly by his doctor who made it quite clear if he carried on he would be dead.

    AnthonyR has said it and rock bottom needs to be reached however I would add that the alcoholic needs to be shown in those rare moments of lucidity the damage he has caused by his actions. Easier said than done but the alcoholic needs to be shocked by the damage he has done in order for him to admit his problem to himself and then just maybe there's a chance with encouragement he can pull himself out of his alcohol dependency. He also needs to be shown you all want him back.

    You are not alone and the best of luck, please feel free to PM me.

  8. #8

  9. #9
    We lost my Mother-in-Law to alcoholism 7 years ago next month. We were desperate for her to admit that she had a problem as the support network needed her to put her hand up and ask for help. Ranting, shouting, threatening all manner of things just won't work, they HAVE to take that first step themselves, and waiting/hoping/praying for that to happen is just awful.

    She died in her own garden, at 60, of heart failure weighing 5st.

    Such a massive waste, and my kids will never get to meet their Maternal Grandmother.

    I've seen family videos, and know a number of her friends, and she was an absolute hoot before her husband died 17 years ago. She decided to find solace in the bottom of a bottle - they all have a reason/excuse, and this was hers...

    I only knew her skidding downhill, and it was desperately sad.

    Do all that you can. Be supportive, but you have to stand off and let them get on with it. There's no point hiding bottles, or getting the local bottle shop to refuse service as there's always a way...

    Most professional advice is to just leave them alone. Cut them off. But that's nigh on impossible.

    We even shopped her to the Police as she continued to drive. The toughest and bravest thing that I've seen was my wife speaking to an officer and asking him to take her Mother's licence and independence away, but she would certainly have killed someone. If not herself, then some one else. Someone we could have know, kids, parents... It could have been us on a zebra crossing... Anyway, within 18 hours she was in a cell having registered 4x legal limit at 10:00 on a Sunday morning... That amount would've killed me, but she spent all day topping up a huge level already in her system. When she died and we did the house clearance, I found 180 empty spirits bottles. 180!

    I'm starting to ramble so, I'll leave it there.

    Good luck, and I hope you all manage to work this through

    iain
    Sako 75 6.5x55mm-Z6i 3-18x50. MauserM12 .308-SIII 6-24x50. Beretta 690 III Field 12b.
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    Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill (1874-1965)

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Eyefor View Post
    First of all my apologies if this is considered inappropriate for this site but, being in need of advice, I thought the considerable number of people on here with many diverse backgrounds and experiences might be able to assist me.

    Secondly, this is not my problem (in so far as it is not me who is the alcoholic and pretending it is a third party) but genuinely someone else (the son of a very good business associate, Not from UK but having property & business here but living in 3rd World with little or no options at his locality).

    Third (possibly irrelevant but to give guidance on what could be done) the amount of money needed to fix this is of no consequence to the father.

    Problem 1 is that the son does not admit he has a problem but his actions (which I will refrain from detailing) are evidence enough of a serious problem. Previous treatment in the US has failed and the situation is approaching desperate.

    Problem 2 is that he does not drink a hugely excessive amount of alcohol - it is just that his body appears to be unable to handle it whereas his brother can drink a very large amount and still remain in control (mentally & physically).

    My initial thoughts are to book him in the Priory - but around £30K (ish) for a few weeks is a lot if it does not work? Does anyone have 1st hand experience of their work and could anyone recommend them - or recommend an alternative.

    Should I call alcoholics anonymous - if I am not the (directly) affected person?

    I will answer all PM's if that is anyone's preference.

    Thanks in advance.
    You say a previous treatment, so he is in denial to the problem .

    There is usually something more to alcoholic problems in young people than meets the eye ,masking the problem with alcohol is often a sign. (this happens within in the military more often than people might think) . people only treat the alcohol but not the cause ,look at the life and life style he has lead leading up to the problem

    Your friend may wish to look for some help for a two fold problem in the bigger picture of things .

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