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Thread: Men are just happier people

  1. #1

    Men are just happier people

    Your last name stays put.
    The garage is all yours.
    Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    Chocolate is just another snack.
    You can never be pregnant..
    You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
    You can wear NO shirt to a water park..
    Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    The world is your urinal.
    You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky.
    You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
    Same work, more pay.
    Wrinkles add character.
    Wedding dress 2000. Morning-suit rental-100.
    People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
    The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
    New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    One mood all the time..
    Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    You know stuff about tanks.
    A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
    You can open all your own jars.
    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
    Your underwear is 4.95 for a three-pack.
    Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
    You almost never have strap problems in public.
    You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
    Everything on your face stays its original colour.
    The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
    You only have to shave your face and neck.
    You can play with toys all your life..
    One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons.
    You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
    You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife
    You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache..
    You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
    No wonder men are happier.

    NICKNAMES

    If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.


    If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

    EATING OUT


    When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in 20, even though it's only for 32.50.
    None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

    MONEY

    A man will pay 2 for a 1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay 1 for a 2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

    BATHROOMS

    A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.

    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
    A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

    ARGUMENTS

    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    CATS

    Women love cats.
    Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

    FUTURE

    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    SUCCESS

    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    MARRIAGE

    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

    DRESSING UP

    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

    NATURAL

    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

    OFFSPRING

    Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

    A married man should forget his mistakes.
    There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
    Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it, hump it or learn from it then piss on it and walk away.

    "HOSPITALITY" - the art of making guests feel at home (when you wish they were).



  2. #2
    Brilliant!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by Eyefor View Post
    Your last name stays put.
    The garage is all yours.
    Wedding plans take care of themselves.
    Chocolate is just another snack.
    You can never be pregnant..
    You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
    You can wear NO shirt to a water park..
    Car mechanics tell you the truth.
    The world is your urinal.
    You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky.
    You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
    Same work, more pay.
    Wrinkles add character.
    Wedding dress 2000. Morning-suit rental-100.
    People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
    The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
    New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
    One mood all the time..
    Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
    You know stuff about tanks.
    A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
    You can open all your own jars.
    You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
    If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
    Your underwear is 4.95 for a three-pack.
    Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
    You almost never have strap problems in public.
    You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
    Everything on your face stays its original colour.
    The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
    You only have to shave your face and neck.
    You can play with toys all your life..
    One wallet and one pair of shoes one colour for all seasons.
    You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
    You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife
    You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache..
    You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.
    No wonder men are happier.

    NICKNAMES

    If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.


    If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

    EATING OUT


    When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in 20, even though it's only for 32.50.
    None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

    When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

    MONEY

    A man will pay 2 for a 1 item he needs.
    A woman will pay 1 for a 2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

    BATHROOMS

    A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from M&S.

    The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
    A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

    ARGUMENTS

    A woman has the last word in any argument.
    Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

    CATS

    Women love cats.
    Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

    FUTURE

    A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
    A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

    SUCCESS

    A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
    A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

    MARRIAGE

    A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
    A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

    DRESSING UP

    A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
    A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

    NATURAL

    Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
    Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

    OFFSPRING

    Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

    A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

    A married man should forget his mistakes.
    There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
    LET HE WHO IS WITHOUT SIN CAST THE FIRST STONE & PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE!

  3. #3
    Priceless! Brought a child to my face that did!!!!

  4. #4
    With the exception of the cat kicking bit, I would say you have got me off to a tee....Brilliant!...Life can be so simple sometimes...

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by pezz69 View Post
    Priceless! Brought a child to my face that did!!!!

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by pezz69 View Post
    Priceless! Brought a child to my face that did!!!!
    what's that Jimmy?

  7. #7
    Brave? Stupid? ........ But very funny..... still chuckling and might just leave this lying about at work!

  8. #8
    Very good, sounds just like my life!!

  9. #9

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