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Thread: Baby Making

  1. #1

    Baby Making

    The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a
    surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father
    was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, 'Well, I'm
    off now. The man should be here soon.'

    Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer
    happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. 'Good morning,
    Ma'am', he said, 'I've come to...'

    'Oh, no need to explain,' Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, 'I've been
    expecting you.'

    'Have you really?' said the photographer. 'Well, that's good. Did you
    know babies are my specialty?'

    'Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have
    a seat !.

    After a moment she asked, blushing, 'Well, where do we start?'

    'Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
    couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room
    floor is fun. You can really spread out there.'

    'Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry
    and me!'

    'Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if
    we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven
    angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results.'

    'My, that's a lot!', gasped Mrs. Smith.

    'Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be
    In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with

    'Don't I know it,' said Mrs. Smith quietly.

    The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of
    his baby pictures. 'This was done on the top of a bus,' he said.

    'Oh, my God!' Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

    'And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider
    their mother was so difficult to work with..'

    'She was difficult?' asked Mrs. Smith.

    'Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the
    job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get
    a good look'

    'Four and five deep?' said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

    'Yes', the photographer replied. 'And for more than three hours, too.
    The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly
    concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots.
    Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had
    to pack it all in.'

    Mrs. Smith leaned forward. 'Do you mean they actually chewed on your,'

    'It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod
    and we can get to work right away..'


    'Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's
    much too big to be held in the hand very long.'

    Mrs. Smith fainted

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