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Thread: The Darwin Awards 2013

  1. #1
    SD Regular teyhan1's Avatar
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    The Darwin Awards 2013

    The Darwins Are Out!!!!
    2013 Yes, it’s that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

    Here Is The Glorious Winner:

    1. When his .38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

    And Now, The Honorable Mentions:

    2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef’s claim was approved.
    3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

    4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn’t discovered for 3 days.

    5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

    6.. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer… $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

    7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

    8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, “Yes, officer, that’s her. That’s the lady I stole the purse from.”

    9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn’t open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren’t available for breakfast… The frustrated gunman walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

    10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home’s sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he’d ever had and the perp had been punished enough!

    In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family…. unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.


    They walk among us, they can reproduce.
    Last edited by teyhan1; 24-12-2013 at 08:26.
    “Man surprised me most about humanity. Because he sacrifices his health in order to make money.Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future that he does not enjoy the present; the result being that he does not live in the present or the future; he lives as if he is never going to die, and then dies having never really lived.”........Dalai Lama

  2. #2
    SD Regular
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    Herefordshire, Hampshire or Essex
    Bless them - one and all. Some crackers here. May they never reproduce. The JATO legend is still my all time favourite.
    Nooooooooooooobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!! Our main weapon is.........

  3. #3
    The list has been around in that form for at least 8 years, and most of the items appeared back in the 1980s. Snopes has only found one that might be based on a true event.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by Chanty Wrassler View Post
    The list has been around in that form for at least 8 years, and most of the items appeared back in the 1980s. Snopes has only found one that might be based on a true event.
    The one with the cinder lock I have seen the CCTV footage on Americans dimmest criminals and I saw a reenaction of the guy who said yes that's the woman I mugged.

    Number 4 and 6 are my personal favourites.
    Soon to be the latest member of the 20cal club.

    It all works out in the end and if it hasn't worked out well it isn't the end!

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by seanct View Post
    The one with the cinder lock I have seen the CCTV footage on Americans dimmest criminals
    From Snopes:
    Entry #7, about the failed thief who attempted to heave a cinder block through a store's window only to have the oversized brick rebound off the Plexiglass and knock him out, was published in the 1995 compilation America's Dumbest Criminals. (Note that the inclusion of this item and the next one in that book is no guarantee of the factuality of either incident, as that volume also includes the venerable "revenging animal" urban legend, supposedly told of a coyote who destroyed his killers' $20,000 4x4 Blazer by going to ground under it with a lit stick of dynamite tied to its tail.) While the book's authors do claim the Fraternal Order of Police, based in Nashville, received a video of the cinder block robbery attempt, we have been unable to substantiate the tale through searches of news databases.

    Quote Originally Posted by seanct View Post
    and I saw a reenaction of the guy who said yes that's the woman I mugged.

    again from snopes:
    While we cannot yet confirm Entry #8, about a purse snatcher in New York who volunteered, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from," when taken to the victim for identification, a similar tale set in Brunswick, Georgia, and related in America's Dumbest Criminals completes with the thief saying to his arresting officers, "Yeah, that's her . . . that's the woman I robbed." The self-IDing thief story also mirrors this 1992 News of the Weird offering set in Minneapolis:
    Suspected purse-snatcher Dereese Delon Waddell in suburban Minneapolis last winter stood on a police lineup so the 76-year-old female victim could have a look at him. When police told him to put his baseball cap on his head with the bill facing out, so as to be presentable, he protested, "No, (I'm going to) put it on backwards. That's the way I had it on when I took the purse."
    Last edited by Chanty Wrassler; 25-12-2013 at 02:20.

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