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Thread: Direct line to God.

  1. #1

    Direct line to God.

    An American decided to write a book about famous churches
    around the world, so he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to
    Rome .

    On his first day he was inside a church taking
    photographs when he noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall
    with a sign that read Euro 10,000 per call'.

    The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was
    strolling by what the telephone was used for.
    The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven
    and that for Euro 10,000 you could talk to God.

    The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

    Next stop was in Moscow . There, at a very large
    cathedral, he saw the same golden telephone with the
    same sign under it. He wondered if this was
    the same kind of telephone he saw in Rome and he asked
    a nearby nun what its purpose was.

    She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and
    that for 10,000 Roubles he could talk to God.
    'O.K., thank you,' said the American.

    He then travelled to France , Israel , Germany and
    Brazil . In every church he saw the same golden telephone with a '10,000
    per call' sign under it. The American finally decided to travel to
    the UK to see if the British had the same phone.
    He arrived in York and again, in the Minster, there
    was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it
    read 20p per call.'
    The American was surprised so he asked the priest
    about the sign.

    'Reverend, I've travelled all over World and
    I've seen this same golden telephone in many churches. I'm told
    that it is a direct line to Heaven, but everywhere I went the price was $10,000
    per call. Why is it so cheap here?'
    The priest smiled and answered, you're in Yorkshire now, son - it's a local call'

  2. #2

  3. #3
    (The Unspeakable In Pursuit Of The Uneatable.) " If I can help, I will help!." Former S.A.C.S. member!

  4. #4
    Yorkshire, the home of Jean-Luc Picard, Theakstons, Black sheep, and God! ace!

  5. #5
    A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

    After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

    The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. if I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

    So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.

    Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

    1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
    2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
    3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
    4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
    5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
    6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
    7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
    8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the **** out of him.
    9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
    10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
    11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
    12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
    13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
    14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's!

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