Countryside / local rural sayings?

[White Hart]

Just out of interest and a laugh really but what rural, local, wildlife related sayings do you know? I was reading an article back along on the BBC website about the loss of local dialects and sayings its such a shame. I recon there's plenty of you on here with some good-uns. But for a start here's a couple;

I was once warned about a rain storm coming in by an old farmer - "ere nipper look at that there sky - it's blacker than a crows eye..."

A bit ruder this one but made me chuckle. I was up the pub after a days beating we'd had a few by now and this old lad nudged me and pointed to this young lady who was well within ere shot and said in a load voice "ere nipper I bet she's wetter than an otters pocket!"

So anyone got any others?

WH

 

[smullery]

WH,

Speaking of local dialects, around here "Exterminate, Exterminate" causes people to run up stairs....

Stan

 

[2434me]

About 35 years ago while waiting for the tide to go out at Montrose basin.A few of us started talking about weather signs,pine cones ,dry seaweed etc.
Anyway this old boy pipes up up that the only thing he knows for sure is,

If the puddles are hard! then its F-in cold!!

 

[news of the world]

One of the local herds told me his lad was eyeing up this lassie in the local pub,his advice was " stay away from her she can ride the horn of an anvil"..

 

[Moonraker68]

One I heard when I was still tied to the apron strings about a slightly built chap who was seeing to a somewhat larger lady 'must look like a tick on a side of bacon'.

 

[willyroe]

If it see's you it'll be in that wood "quicker than a rat up a drain pipe"

 

[Kershaw]

What about "she's been cocked "more times than Davey Crocketts rifle!

 

[6pointer]

Sorry lad i am to long in the wood to be Fu@@cked about with a young Crow.

Large breasted woman with most on view. Farmer says looks like to pigs fighting under a blanket.

 

[re'M'ington]

He looks like a matchstick with the wood scraped off.............

 

[2130martin]

He looks like a matchstick with the wood scraped off.............

You mean "he looks like a streak of P155"

 

[2130martin]

when Jethro eats a vindaloo,he puts a toilet roll in the fridge because it makes him "541t through the eye of a needle"!!!

 

[teabag_46]

Doesn't matter how good looking she is, her s41t will still stink!

 

[johndeere]

Get off my land before I rive mi clog into thi (you picked up your nets and ferret and went because he would )

 

[Kalahari]

Quickest way to find an idiot in the countryside is to go to a city and fetch one.

David.

 

[jungle_re]

Give me that knife boy you're like a dutchess with a navies cock

 

[Wheesht!]

Describing somebody as useless:

"He's as much use as a fish wi' tits!"

 

[stag1933]

If thou iver gits chance of a free meal or free f*** hev it as thou niver knows when it might be thee last.

HWH.

 

[Timbo61]

A workmate from Yorkshire always used to exclaim " well I`ll go to the foot of our stairs" if he saw or heard something a tad surprising.
A slight aside. I am a southerner, with what could best be described as a south london accent. In my new "home" town here in NZ there are lots of expat brits. Strangely, most of the natives here reckon that whether we come from Surrey /Yorkshire/Manchester or wherever, we all sound the same to them

 

[smullery]

A workmate from Yorkshire always used to exclaim " well I`ll go to the foot of our stairs" if he saw or heard something a tad surprising.
A slight aside. I am a southerner, with what could best be described as a south london accent. In my new "home" town here in NZ there are lots of expat brits. Strangely, most of the natives here reckon that whether we come from Surrey /Yorkshire/Manchester or wherever, we all sound the same to them

Surrey/Yorkshire/Manchester are all the same. Not Scottish..... There's the problem

​Stan

 

[TA6319]

If something is just better than nothing, I usually say "its better than a poke in the eye with a blunt stick" or "its as much use as a chocolate fire guard" for something that is useless