How about an 'Articles Section'?

Beowulf

Well-Known Member
Ladies and Gentlemen,
How would we all feel about including an articles section to the forum? This would be for the budding writers amongst us to share our thoughts, interests and observations on any number of subjects with the rest of the site. A bit like the stories you find in the shooting press but without having to fork out any money to read them.

What do you think?
 

stone

Well-Known Member
sounds like a good idea as i hav to keep going back through the pages in discussion to find other stories that hav been posted as i like a good read and some of those are getting lost amongst all the other topics
i hav a few nice memories i would like to share, just never felt it appropiate to do so so in general discussion,
mind you, i am a crap writer
so probaly a good job i never :lol:
atleast this way you could go straight to the post and not hav to look at at the different topics hoping you could remember if for eg i once remember that first wild boar i shot of sticks story was in the wild boar section or in the section where there are 3 topics about sticks
good idea go for it
 

sikamalc

Administrator
Site Staff
Mr B you and the members have some of mine already :) I can write many more but resist because I do not want to seem that I am hogging the site. I have many to tell including some funny ones (two gay hunters springs to mind that I had as clients about 12 years ago).

I will tell if people want it ;)
 

Beowulf

Well-Known Member
This is it Sikamalc! I think people would sit a read through an article on an article section. General Discussion is a short snappy writing section I feel.

The Gay hunters story you have told me and I'd very much like to see it on the site. Infact I think that the articles section would be like sitting down after a hard day doing whatever, pouring a drink and loosing yourself in the moment.

I had a Christmas article written up for last year but with my dog having to be put down the day before Christmas Eve I didn't feel like posting it.

As for members saying 'I can't write or my spelling is terrible'! Well write it as a word document and use the spell check or ask a friend to proof read it for you. Better still just bloody well write it and get it on the site! We are stalkers not the English Literature Department of Oxford University! :lol:
 

Fester

Well-Known Member
Sikamalc
I hope you dont mean me & andy when you say gay hunters :eek: I mean you did think we looked like right said fred & all that :eek: :D
im watching you :D :D :D :D
Anyway it was andy who was wearing the tights that morning so pick on him :D
 

joelewis1971

Well-Known Member
Hi guys

(Jack a nory )corner with sikamalc and others sounds great i realy enjoy what i have red so far and so dose my OH . and that help's when i'm on here and should be doing something else please more stories

cheers
Joe
 

sikamalc

Administrator
Site Staff
OK here we go.

Well as you know I run a small hunting business, custom building hunts for all the British species, plus Africa. Most of my clients over the years have been American, and although most folk are not over enthusiastic about yanks, I have to say as a rule I have had mostly very good people over the last 25 years.

However there have been the odd moments in my career whilst guiding and running a business that I look back on and can now smile about :D

For the sake of peoples identity I will call the two clients A and B, they were both from the east coast of America.

A was a dentist who was supposed to be an experienced hunter, and happened to be a friend of a long standing client of mine who also is a dentist. B was hunting buddy of A and was also an experienced hunter. :lol: :lol: Both of the two clients had their own rifles, and were stalking for a week in the highlands of Scotland for Red Stag and Japanese Sika, plus some wildfowl if time allowed. They were sharing a very large farm house with 3 other American clients, and as I was particularly busy that year, I was running another hunt about an hours drive away with another group of Americans, and two other guides who I employ for the season.

The trouble started at Inverness airport, where both myself and another professional guide (George) who I employ were waiting for the two clients off the London flight. Early October and the height of the rut, Inverness airport is busy with many overseas clients coming and going. The plane had emptied and as usual, we were both looking out for our two clients. And after a number of years one is fairly used to picking out the client/clients from the crowd.

In the far corner of the arrivals lounge stood two characters that had become the amusement of a number of folk. One man was about 5ft tall, small pony tail ( :evil: I hate ponytails on men) and was wearing yellow tinted glasses and dressed in full buck skins, jacket, trousers the bloody lot, and looking like Colonel Custer at the battle of the Bighorn :eek: . The other man had a pony tail down to his arse, and was in a designer suit that had creases in you would cut yourself on, and was dancing about like he had a handful of deer ticks in his pants :eek: . My guide and I looked at each other and almost instantaneously both said Ohhhh F...CK they cant be our clients.

Yes they were :eek: After stowing their luggage in the truck we headed north, and from the instant we left the airport, it started. BULL****!!!

They proceeded to tell us how good a shots they were, and how they wanted to shoot anything they saw, and would pay for it. After about 30 minutes of this I told them they would shoot with luck what they had paid for, and that it would be up to me if they could shoot anything else. This hunt looked like turning into trouble with a capital T.

Having dropped them off at the lodge, I left the two clowns with my team, which consisted of the local keeper and his wife who are good friends of mine, plus another husband and wife team who were looking after the other clients and helping with the guiding.

After a couple of days I got a phone call from the keepers wife, who was laughing so much on the phone should could hardly speak. She decided I should come over and have dinner with the clients the next evening. And that the client with the long pony tail and suit had become a real pain in the arse. On my arrival with appropraite wine etc, I found the keepers wife preparing dinner, the clients were all up stairs. She could not control the laughing and I guessed there was a problem. It was not until my other friend and his wife came into the kitchen that I got the full story. Both A and B were gay boys and had moved into the same room :eek: :eek: and to top it all everything they had was brand new and they could not hit a barn door at 10yds. Also A with the glasses was also just about the loudest, blind hunter, with a perpetual wind problem that ruined that days stalking and through his incompetence and farting and coughing had ruined the chance of a 12 point stag at about 60yds in the forest they were hunting, which did not sit well with Martin the keeper, his wife was crying with laughing so much.

The evening was further enhanced by B trying to grab the wine from the lady client who was also in the lodge. I had to interupt him by asking him politley but firmly to refill the lady's glass first, after I had first charged everyones glass. Both A and B were a bloody night mare, they were the hunters from hell !! B eventually shot a Red Stag from a high seat, and then gave up hunting anything else, as the early mornings played havoc with his skin and hair :eek: ( yes he was the hairdresser to A, who had paid for the trip)

A managed to miss 4 Red Stags in 3 days, but more by luck hit a Roe Buck, and managed to take a very very small Sika, otherwise he would have left with nothing. I was never so glad as to deliver these two idiots back to Inverness.

They never came back.

However, I must say that generally I have had good clients, some have been life long friends, many I have stayed in their homes in the states, some even on holiday with them and had my wife and youngest daughter with me. One year I had two new rifles given to me, and also George was given a new 30.06. Some have joined me in Africa, and some have stayed at my modest cottage in Kent as my guests.

When I am too old to stalk anymore I shall write a book. So Andy and Nick you can breath a sigh of relief it was not about you two. Mind you Nick you did say you were once a hairdressing, skateboarding, Prarrie Dog Hunter.
 

alled12

Well-Known Member
I'll second stone on that a signed copy of your book malc when you have written it mate. I should imagine it will be a interesting and informative read, dont forget a few photo's in the book as well, so there is something for beowulf to look at :D lol sorry mate couldn't resist.
 

tartinjock

Distinguished Member
Good reading, you are very good at putting "Pen to Paper," or "keys to monitor", I also want a signed copy!!

TJ
 

JAYB

Administrator
Site Staff
Who else but you could manage to catch a buckskin clad tail gunner in the Highlands, I take it that the keeper was Martin Li...... I would have loved to have heard his views on those two, that would have been flowery. Dig deep you bugger you must have a lot of these entertaining yarns after all this time, keep it up.

John
 

sikamalc

Administrator
Site Staff
Hi JAYB, yep Martin Liv and his wonderful other half who is a great girl and a good laugh. I can still see her face now as I entered the kitchen on the estate near the mound ;) ;) say no more.

I think it went something like " Ohhh hello dear you have gone and done it now" and laughing so much she couldnt stand. Martin on the other hand was pi...ed off about the gay hunter missing a bloody great royal in the alders.

Ahhhh happy days, and folk think its all fun and games taking clients out and no problems :lol: :lol:

I have a lot more stories, after 25 years some are so funny that I still think back and laugh to myself. Not all with clients, some with friends. did I tell you the one about the big guy I had last year, drove an old Landie, charming wife....................what was his name John can you remember ;)
 

JAYB

Administrator
Site Staff
Hi Malc, I can remember the man bloody great monster as I recall, I can see his face (the stuff of nightmares) but his name what was it, Hawkeye? no, Oneshot? no, Karamojo Beo no it's no good I can't remember. I remember he could take a joke though, which was a good thing :evil: I understand he is killing some clays in the next couple of weeks down near the Cathedral City somewhere. Wish I could be there for that one.

John
 

sikamalc

Administrator
Site Staff
Dont worry JAYB, I am sure there will be many people with camera phones at the ready. At least he hasnt got heart break ridge to climb up before he opens fire :lol: :lol:

I wouldnt want to take him up in mid winter when there is snow on the floor. Some of those old crofters up that way would see those footprints and rumours would start to circulate of a Yeti being loose near Mr Listers place :rolleyes:
 

sikamalc

Administrator
Site Staff
Another funny one :lol: well it is to me.

A good friend (Peter) who was training with me to stalk with clients was with me one very very wet and windy day in Scotland about 10 years ago. He was a bit strapped for cash at the time, and although a self employed carpenter he had managed to buy himself a new set of dry boots.

Dry boots at this time were rubber ankle boots that cost about £35 and for stalking on the hill were about the worst things you could wear :rolleyes:

He was very proud of these new boots, which we gave him some stick over. As he had size 12 feet, he got the usual stick from the other guides, Coco the clown, big foot etc etc.

On this particular day it was terrible weather and I had been out with a client for Sika since first light, with Peter following along to observe. We had been succesful and were driving back on an unmade road that ran through the middle of the 12,500 acre lease I had at the time. As we arrived at a very large deer gate across the road, Peter being the ever helpful man that he is, jumped out of the 4x4 to open the gate.

It was steaming it down with rain, and he tried to open the gate against the hinges. I stuck my head out the side window and laughed. I told him that as a carpenter he should know which side the gate is hung and to pull it towards himself.

Well he did this alright, but he had not noticed the nail sticking out at the bottom of the gate, it protruded just enough so that as he opened the gate it sliced off the end of his new rubber dry boot. He stood there in the pouring rain with the end of the boot flapping open and water pouring in, and tried to hop back into the 4x4 without getting a wet foot. Which of course he did not achieve.

I laughed so much I couldnt drive :lol: and when we got back to the lodge, George the other guide also fell over laughing.

Many years later Pete was at a shoot dinner back home in Kent, and by now had to wear glasses, George who has a sharp wit was sitting next to him at the table, along with myself. Peter had broken his glasses, and in typical Pete fashion had joined them togther in the middle with elastoplast. Looking like Jack Duckworth out of Coronation Street, he got some stick.

The first coarse arrived which was vegetable soup, and as Pete leaned over to take a mouth full, the lens in his specs fell out into the soup!!!

George instantly shouted out " SHOULD HAVE GONE TO SPECSAVERS" as in the advert. Needless to say I walked out as I was laughing so much I couldnt eat :lol: :lol:

Good friends, true professional guides, and a good laugh. God I am laughing now thinking about it :lol:

Remind me to tell you all about the Monitor Lizard we tied to a guys bed in Africa, when we meet up in the pub next week :lol:
 

Beowulf

Well-Known Member
You should tell the one about the Scottish gamekeepers and the smelly fish Malc! :lol:

'Karamojo Beo'! :eek: You bl**dy old git JayB! :lol:

As for Heartbreak Ridge........I'm in training. ;)
 

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