Tescos

SWR

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#1
One day, in line at the works cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him,
> "My elbow hurts like hell. I suppose I'd better see a doctor!"
>
> Listen mate ; don't waste your time down at the surgery, Mike replies.
>
> There's a diagnostic computer at Tesco. Just give it a urine sample
and
> the computer will tell you what's wrong, and what to do about it.
>
> It takes ten seconds and only costs five quid....a lot quicker and
> better than a doctor and you get Clubcard points".
>
> So Jack collects a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Tesco.
> He
> deposits five pounds and the computer lights up and asks for the urine
> sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.
>
> Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:
> "You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
> activity. It will improve in two weeks".
>
> That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack
> began wondering if the computer could be fooled.
>
> He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples
from
> his wife and daughter, and "pleasured himself" into the mixture for
good
> measure.
> Jack hurried back to Tesco, eager to check what would happen.
>
> He deposits five pounds, pours in his concoction, and awaits the
results
> with a grin .
> The computer prints the following:
>
> 1) Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
>
> 2) Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
>
> 3) Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
>
> 4) Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.
>
> 5) And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never
> get better....
>
> Thank you for shopping at Tesco
 

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