Re-evaluation of personal values and priorities.

[Old-YOP]

Because there is too much emotion, and not enough logic.

What, like the time I watched my lovely wife-for-life leap off the Nevis bungee? Zero logic there.

But don't sweat it, DK, if you don't at least give it a go then nothing will ever happen to you, for good or for bad.

And it's a bit late when you're lying on your death bed to be going "I wish …."

 

[User00033]

No, @Old-YOP, incorrect.

Good decisions are those that are made with a sensible balance of emotion and logic. All of us have things we’ve done that we look back on and think... hmmm maybe not so smart.

If I take a moment to consider some of the things that I’ve done over the years, the distinction between good and bad decisions is very clear. When I am feeling excessively emotional, I am (generally) moved to consider changes that in the cold light of day I would not make. Over the years I have learnt to more or less control this impulsive behaviour. Impulsiveness for me has a direct link to sudden and extreme changes of situation.

And there’s not much you can tell me about not giving it a go! I’ve moved continent five times. I’ve resigned well paid jobs and taken a year or more off to travel, three times. I’ve taken my kids out of school to give them a chance to grow and learn in extreme environments. And then put them back in school and watched them excel. I have deliberately walked away from fiscal reward through tiresome effort, to inject fun and experience into my life. I just did exactly that, walking away from a lucrative consulting contract to go sheep farming instead. Some empathy for the world of @VSS right there.

When I read @VSS ‘s post I thought mate, you’ve done well to create a combination of work, income and passion for what you do. Please be careful not to throw that away in these extraordinary circumstances, which you may come to regret down the track. Now is certainly a good time to reassess your situation but not a good time to do things that cannot be undone, particularly with regards to your professional relationships, when there is so much stress in the system.

BTW your wife is nuts. So is mine.

 

[VSS]

When I read @VSS ‘s post I thought mate, you’ve done well to create a combination of work, income and passion for what you do. Please be careful not to throw that away in these extraordinary circumstances, which you may come to regret down the track.

The fact is that I used to have a better balance of those things. It's time to get the old balance back. I got a bit sidetracked over the past few years and let my true values slip. So, no major life changes, just a scaling back and a return to the life I know and love best.

 

[User00033]

Don’t underestimate the value of your professional relationships on some of the committees, that’s my advice. Yes committees can be tiresome and the politics entirely painful. But considering the standing of high genetic merit breeding stock, the mental exercise that comes from collaborating with like-minded people can provide a degree of purpose that is invaluable, especially in later life.

 

[hunter243]

All of us have things we’ve done that we look back on and think... hmmm maybe not so smart.

Agree there, in my case far too many to even try to count. But then on the other hand would I be any more or less happy than I am now without those ? Who knows....

 

[PHILK]

I understand you logic VSS this truly is a changing moment I started with £25 from my dad who we lost at the end of last year I've had it all and lost it all due to illness. Recovered worked hard and got it all again "what I've got I am not sure we really want " the only thing we haven't got is time. this week is the first time we have slowed down slightly this CV wont affect our business I've got 3 Engineer off self isolating but paying them full pay and will do so far as long as required. the thing is time is priceless if I could go back to when I was a Bin man I would be there in a heart beat Money means nothing we try to give away to good causes without recognition as much as possible the dream is to buy woodland and my wife would love to bread a few pigs we were hoping to sell up this year but might have to wait a little longer but there is one thing for sure after this we wont be working like we have for the last 20 years so for us the decision has been made and the glass is more than 1/2 full. I've even managed to build a reloading bench although the wife things its a work bench to do DIY on I think the Forster press says it all can wait to got out and about.
hope you all keep safe and well through this
regards
Philk

 

[PHILK]

Sorry to the many who wont feel this way but this week has been sheer bliss I feel this week has given me freedom not lockdown (other than been 24/7 with a stroppy 21year old who knows everything about everything)

 

[woodmaster]

Some very interesting posts, and honest thoughts on ones lives. Like a number of you I have been trying to evaluate my own for a while now. We all seem to do a lot of work for a long time. Part of that process often results in us getting good at something, and thus the reward for doing it go up. So we feel good, do more of it, earn more money. Buy more stuff to show we are doing good, do more work and the process goes on. For me at the ripe old age of 43, I seem to have come to a point where I look where I am, what I've done, what I've got and wonder how the he'll it happened. Then I wonder where the last 10 years has gone? My question to some of you guys with a little more life behind you is. Do you think this so called mid life crisis is more to do with reaching ones limit of constantly pushing, which hits many of us around the same time in life. Or is it governed by age? I ask as although in many ways I'd like to slow down a bit and have some time out. I also am not ready to stop challenging myself. So how have you found you balance? What lines in the sand have you drawn etc?

 

[mchughcb]

Viagra woodmaster, Viagra.

 

[PHILK]

Hi Woodmaster
I feel its like a hamster wheel you just have to keep running faster and faster or as the wife says you have to keep feeding the beast
all the people I know who run their own businesses don't have anytime for personal things this is the major regret for me and the wife that we have missed out on the lads when they were younger prioritising work over time maybe this happens to all but I can only comment on our situation and I suppose every body says " if they could turn back time they would do things differently" I certainly would but I cant so tuff sh1t. just make sure you are happy with what you do and please rest assured money doesn't make you happy it facilitates you to but things that make you happy for differing lengths of time but true happiness is within and costs nothing but is priceless
regards
phil

 

[Cottis]

I feel fortunate to, I think, have found my happy spot at a youngish age.

Late teens and early 20's saw me sub consciously subscribing to the mantra of society that success is somehow related to wealth and materialism. I was fed up by the time I was 25. I earned well but never saved. I wasted so much and had no concept of efficient living. Social standards annoyed me but I did little to help move the needle. I was in effect a hypocrite.

I had decided around the age of 20 that I really did not want kids and that feeling became stronger as I got older. A couple of otherwise solid relationships with lovely girls came and went due to my insisting about not wanting a family. They claimed it wasn't important and they wanted to stick with me but I knew they were both naturally maternal and it would have ended in tears. I am still friends with them and of course they are both mothers and happily settled.

I left my well paid job at the age of 25 and went to work in Oxford for the University Press. I loved it and the people. I was stimulated mentally but without the nagging insistence of society to be something. Alas, it paid poorly and I was commuting miles to do a job that barely paid the rent. I had seen the light though and discovered that I could live on much less and that happiness was not going to be based upon a wage packet but on the amount of freedom I could earn. I learned a lot in that year or so.

I landed on my feet thereafter. I contacted an old boss who needed someone to run their payroll and accounts dept. I had no experience but they knew me and my application. I would work for not much intially and my conditions were that I would not have to shave or wear a tie. In return I could work the hours I wanted as long as the job got done. Since then I have played golf every afternoon, hunted, fished etc whenever I wanted and had a huge amount of my wage paid in freedom tokens. That was 13 yrs ago. I am now 40 and can honestly say I never wake up not wanting to go to work. I have this balance of work and life that I really would hate to give up. Miss Cottis is great and I have friends scattered over the world which offers opportunities and escapism.

I lost my mum a few years ago (dad died when I was 2 weeks old) and had a health dip around 2013 which has taken a long while to shake but a positive mindset has seen that nearly pass. That also taught me lots. Patience mostly.

The current situation does not make me re-assess. It slightly concerns me that my utopia is under threat due to the situation we find ourselves in and the pressure that it is putting on our way of life. It will end up fine though. It always does. Time sorts everything out whether it be life or death.

I found that confidence and brutal honesty (mostly with myself) was the best way to move forward. For me it was finding a purpose that stimulated my mind, allowed me to contribute to society and earned myself plenty of time to do what I like. I found that many years ago and something nuts like this virus thing will have to come along to prise it from my paws.

They say the grass is always greener elsewhere but really it is most green where you water it. I love my little spot in the country. I have a watering can and I make sure i use it.

 

[hunter243]

Some very interesting posts, and honest thoughts on ones lives. Like a number of you I have been trying to evaluate my own for a while now. We all seem to do a lot of work for a long time. Part of that process often results in us getting good at something, and thus the reward for doing it go up. So we feel good, do more of it, earn more money. Buy more stuff to show we are doing good, do more work and the process goes on. For me at the ripe old age of 43, I seem to have come to a point where I look where I am, what I've done, what I've got and wonder how the he'll it happened. Then I wonder where the last 10 years has gone? My question to some of you guys with a little more life behind you is. Do you think this so called mid life crisis is more to do with reaching ones limit of constantly pushing, which hits many of us around the same time in life. Or is it governed by age? I ask as although in many ways I'd like to slow down a bit and have some time out. I also am not ready to stop challenging myself. So how have you found you balance? What lines in the sand have you drawn etc?

Being almost twenty years older than you I wouldn't put you in the ' mid life crisis' bracket.
I do think we all have different limits and goals, both which can change considerably as we age. And for what my advice is worth never draw any lines in the sand, never stop challenging yourself but when you feel you need it take some time out to reevaluate.
That's my philosophy

 

[Old-YOP]

No, @Old-YOP, incorrect.

Good decisions are those that are made with a sensible balance of emotion and logic. All of us have things we’ve done that we look back on and think... hmmm maybe not so smart.

Absolutely DK. And hopefully we can all look back and learn from the life we have lived and the decisions we have made without the invaluable benefit of hindsight. But the critical point is that it's been *our* life and *our* decisions and we have to own all of that because without those things we won't be who, and where, and with whom we are now.

For example, I was always a disappointment to my mother for not seeing a religious education through to become the Bishop of Bath & Wells but instead turning left into a period of air shows and crazy flying. A wholly emotional decision? Just a bit … I would have made a great BIshop !! But now, after 70+ years of global circus ride, I'm exactly where I want to be as I hope you are too.

And BTW yes, the lovely wife is nuts and what's more she's Russian nuts which - as many of you I'm sure know - doubles it down. But you had to be there back in the day when many of the Battle of Britain Fighter Association pilots were still alive and get to meet their ladies. Now THAT was nuts!

 

[Uncle Buck]

It just shows that you can be "rich" in so many more ways than just having money in the bank

it doesn’t really matter how wealthy
you are it can’t buy your health.
Wealth is not the be all and end all,
Peace & tranquility and my health is all l wish for...
Keep safe and all the best.

 

[Rupert J]

I'm not really one to post on these deep and thoughtful subjects, but the original post really touched something in my heart and mind. I guess it's the timing, as is clearly the case with many of us at this extremely challenging time. So, here goes for me;
I've had a really good life, especially compared to many. Always worked hard and been fortunate to earn reasonable money, particularly over the most recent years. Never really had an awful lot of disposable income, but pretty comfortable really. All changed dramatically at the end of December 2018 when my wife (been together for 27 years) dropped dead in front of me from a heart attack. My life changed that moment of course. Made me reflect, but fortunately I had a job that kept me busy and a couple of dogs which kept me busy too. I cracked on with things, and got pretty good at looking after myself. Decluttered the house (of late wife's stuff) and accepted the new 'normal'.
Last August my job came to an end, but I fell on my feet with an even better paid job which meant me working from home most of the time and going into the office (150 odd miles away) for a day or two every other week. Life was great, especially as by then I'd met another wonderful, but very strong and independent, lady.
So, 4 weeks ago I decided to sell the house I'd lived in for around 20 years, as although I loved it, it held too many memories of my late wife. Coincidence was that the day after that I had an out of the blue notification that my job would be made redundant at the end of March. Then, the dreaded CV arrived. So, I'm now thinking that there is a huge wave of change being forced upon me. I should be very worried indeed (especially as I'm now mid 50's and little chance of jumping straight into another job). But, in many ways I feel this is all meant to be. I only have my dog to look after apart from myself. Times will be bumpy for sure, but I'll not starve.
My new lady sees this as a time for me to put less hours into a job. To spend more time together (once CV restrictions are lifted), and to live a less busy life. I feel she is right. Just need to get through the next few months, which financially will be a challenge.
So, for me, fate is dramatically changing my life. I'm embracing that. Keep positive and strong my friends. Rupert.

 

[Old-YOP]

Good luck Rupert, and enjoy.

 

[Freeforester]

I'm very glad that I haven't wasted too much of my life in pursuit of monetary gain, when all that matters for most people right now is where the next meal is coming from. It doesn't matter how much cash you've got in your pocket, the shops are still limiting what you can buy.
Even so, the current situation has opened my eyes and realise how close to getting stuck on the treadmill I have become.
Although my main interests are smallholding and self-sufficiency, my "day job" is being a sheep farmer. The size of my flock fluctuates depending on the availability and price of rented grazing, but at its peak it numbered over 500 head, together with around 30 cattle. A fairly tidy number.
My wife also works in the sheep industry, doing freelance admin work from her home office 3 days a week.
I think that I'm a reasonably successful sheep farmer: I'm well known as a producer of high genetic merit breeding stock, I head up what is probably the biggest collaborative breeding projects in Wales, and I sit on a number of agricultural committees.
However, the more sheep I keep the more work they generate, which means I have less time to spend producing food for my family, which means I need to keep even more sheep in order to make more money to buy the food that I would be producing if I didn't have so many sheep to look after .
On the face of it we're doing pretty well: for the last 2 years our profit on paper has been higher than ever before. But paper profits aren't worth the paper they're written on, as they also take into account the value of all your stock. Disposable income is a different kettle of fish altogether. The reality is that we're scraping rock bottom, with our housekeeping budget reduced to just £40 per week. The irony being that a significant part of that forty quid is being spent on stuff that we were producing ourselves when we had the time to do so.
Then along comes coronavirus. A bit of a shock to me who's always considered myself well prepared for an event such as this to find myself not so well prepared as I thought I was. My eye had really begun to slip off the ball.
Having said that, I'm happier now than I've been for years: The sun is shining, the birds are singing, money has suddenly become pretty worthless, all meetings etc cancelled, no need to go anywhere, just potter about on my own few acres producing grub for my family. Bliss!
So now for the re-evaluation bit: Once this outbreak is over I'm seriously considering resetting my life back to where it was 20 years ago. I'm thinking of giving up all the rented ground, and maybe even renting out some of the land that I own (or planting it with trees for future generations to enjoy), cutting back to just 50 ewes and a couple of cows, resigning my position on all those committees, and just doing the things that really matter. Making money isn't one of them, as the current situation has proven. Provided that I sell enough lambs to cover the cost of producing the ones that we eat ourselves it'll all be fine. Just like it used to be. We managed before and we'll manage again.

Anyone else out there doing a bit of soul searching during this interesting (and, dare I say it, rather exciting) period?

Well Tim, it appears you aren't alone, there are others reassessing their finances too, some with family on the way:

(It also demonstrates the right's ability to laugh at themselves, unlike many of the left)

 

[Hereford]

Well Tim, it appears you aren't alone, there are others reassessing their finances too, some with family on the way:
View attachment 153716
(It also demonstrates the right's ability to laugh at themselves, unlike many of the left)

Boris Johnson, former MP, Uxbridge and South Ruislip

Read Boris Johnson's contributions to Parliament, including speeches and questions

www.theyworkforyou.com

Scroll to the earnings/donations at the bottom and take a calculator (and cup of tea with you) - I think he’ll be ok financially.

 

[woodmaster]

I feel fortunate to, I think, have found my happy spot at a youngish age.

Late teens and early 20's saw me sub consciously subscribing to the mantra of society that success is somehow related to wealth and materialism. I was fed up by the time I was 25. I earned well but never saved. I wasted so much and had no concept of efficient living. Social standards annoyed me but I did little to help move the needle. I was in effect a hypocrite.

I had decided around the age of 20 that I really did not want kids and that feeling became stronger as I got older. A couple of otherwise solid relationships with lovely girls came and went due to my insisting about not wanting a family. They claimed it wasn't important and they wanted to stick with me but I knew they were both naturally maternal and it would have ended in tears. I am still friends with them and of course they are both mothers and happily settled.

I left my well paid job at the age of 25 and went to work in Oxford for the University Press. I loved it and the people. I was stimulated mentally but without the nagging insistence of society to be something. Alas, it paid poorly and I was commuting miles to do a job that barely paid the rent. I had seen the light though and discovered that I could live on much less and that happiness was not going to be based upon a wage packet but on the amount of freedom I could earn. I learned a lot in that year or so.

I landed on my feet thereafter. I contacted an old boss who needed someone to run their payroll and accounts dept. I had no experience but they knew me and my application. I would work for not much intially and my conditions were that I would not have to shave or wear a tie. In return I could work the hours I wanted as long as the job got done. Since then I have played golf every afternoon, hunted, fished etc whenever I wanted and had a huge amount of my wage paid in freedom tokens. That was 13 yrs ago. I am now 40 and can honestly say I never wake up not wanting to go to work. I have this balance of work and life that I really would hate to give up. Miss Cottis is great and I have friends scattered over the world which offers opportunities and escapism.

I lost my mum a few years ago (dad died when I was 2 weeks old) and had a health dip around 2013 which has taken a long while to shake but a positive mindset has seen that nearly pass. That also taught me lots. Patience mostly.

The current situation does not make me re-assess. It slightly concerns me that my utopia is under threat due to the situation we find ourselves in and the pressure that it is putting on our way of life. It will end up fine though. It always does. Time sorts everything out whether it be life or death.

I found that confidence and brutal honesty (mostly with myself) was the best way to move forward. For me it was finding a purpose that stimulated my mind, allowed me to contribute to society and earned myself plenty of time to do what I like. I found that many years ago and something nuts like this virus thing will have to come along to prise it from my paws.

They say the grass is always greener elsewhere but really it is most green where you water it. I love my little spot in the country. I have a watering can and I make sure i use it.

Sounds like our lives have run on parallel tracks, but we have been going in opposite direction's. I had a great childhood in many ways, without there being much money in the home. Simple things occupied us and on the whole we wanted for nothing. Just as well as we couldn't afford it!
However that lack of money must have subconsciously lodged in my mind and as a teenager I decided I wanted some. I started mowing lawns in our street for a few pounds here and there. By the end of the summer I had 10 customers. The following year with some hand written leaflets delivered around the village I had 20 lawns to me and had to take on a mate to help. I still had to go to school. Year 3 saw me earning more than my uncle and I had to pay board at 13 years old. I've never stopped working since then. With that simple start I bought 5 acres of land. Had some goats,sheep,pigs. Chickens etc which along with my girlfriend/fiancee now wife we lived "the good life". Initially on a narrow boat, then in a little wooden house I built one summer. The plan was to live a simple life, enjoy living where we do and raise a family. Money came enough to live and do things a bit at a time. Then I reached a point where I wanted kids to share this life with and compete the picture for me. I guess this is where it all changed. My partner didn't want kids, said we needed a better house, more money, and to be married. So I cracked on earner more money, built a marina and a business where I could work from home and be a big part of any children's upbringing and after all that still no kids. So I've never built the house, couldn't see the point. Separated from my wife, which was a hard thing to do. We still remain close and at present are confined to barracks as she lives on a boat here. I just plowed into more work. It's easy and I know what I'm doing. Now 43 and wondering what I should do with the opportunity I have to change lines and go somewhere new. I'm edging towards that simple life I enjoyed in the past.
What this thread does show is there's an awful lot of people who find themselves in a similar predicament. I wonder why that is? I think society has changed too much and moved away from some core principals and ways in the pursuit of wealth and growth. We live in a country where billions are spent every year on shite we don't need but have because it apparantly make's life better. I have a load of this shite myself. Perhaps this pandemic will either force or encourage us to change what we perceive as important and return to happier time's. Where people have time to help one another, help old Mrs Smith cross the road or carry her shopping. Do a days work for a mate without him trying to pay you. I doubt this will happen enmass as there are some people who rely on the current system continuing. The stock market is unlikely to start trading in favors or surplus sheep and so many do not have the good fortune to have space to provide for themselves, but we could rebalanced our economy so it doesn't rely on 2 full time incomes just to stay afloat.

 

[Cottis]

Sounds like our lives have run on parallel tracks, but we have been going in opposite direction's. I had a great childhood in many ways, without there being much money in the home. Simple things occupied us and on the whole we wanted for nothing. Just as well as we couldn't afford it!
However that lack of money must have subconsciously lodged in my mind and as a teenager I decided I wanted some. I started mowing lawns in our street for a few pounds here and there. By the end of the summer I had 10 customers. The following year with some hand written leaflets delivered around the village I had 20 lawns to me and had to take on a mate to help. I still had to go to school. Year 3 saw me earning more than my uncle and I had to pay board at 13 years old. I've never stopped working since then. With that simple start I bought 5 acres of land. Had some goats,sheep,pigs. Chickens etc which along with my girlfriend/fiancee now wife we lived "the good life". Initially on a narrow boat, then in a little wooden house I built one summer. The plan was to live a simple life, enjoy living where we do and raise a family. Money came enough to live and do things a bit at a time. Then I reached a point where I wanted kids to share this life with and compete the picture for me. I guess this is where it all changed. My partner didn't want kids, said we needed a better house, more money, and to be married. So I cracked on earner more money, built a marina and a business where I could work from home and be a big part of any children's upbringing and after all that still no kids. So I've never built the house, couldn't see the point. Separated from my wife, which was a hard thing to do. We still remain close and at present are confined to barracks as she lives on a boat here. I just plowed into more work. It's easy and I know what I'm doing. Now 43 and wondering what I should do with the opportunity I have to change lines and go somewhere new. I'm edging towards that simple life I enjoyed in the past.
What this thread does show is there's an awful lot of people who find themselves in a similar predicament. I wonder why that is? I think society has changed too much and moved away from some core principals and ways in the pursuit of wealth and growth. We live in a country where billions are spent every year on shite we don't need but have because it apparantly make's life better. I have a load of this shite myself. Perhaps this pandemic will either force or encourage us to change what we perceive as important and return to happier time's. Where people have time to help one another, help old Mrs Smith cross the road or carry her shopping. Do a days work for a mate without him trying to pay you. I doubt this will happen enmass as there are some people who rely on the current system continuing. The stock market is unlikely to start trading in favors or surplus sheep and so many do not have the good fortune to have space to provide for themselves, but we could rebalanced our economy so it doesn't rely on 2 full time incomes just to stay afloat.

Sounds like you were both honest with each other and that breeds respect in all walks of life. Probably why you are still on good terms. Some things just are not meant to be but that is no bad thing sometimes.

I do think honesty and accepting are two of the most important traits that humans find most useful long term.

We are all different though and that is why none of us are right or wrong. If we are content and happy, that is a win.