When your surgeon has a sense of humour...

[Stalker62]

Last year I went for my annual MOT.

The Optician said that I had developed cataracts. I wondered if this explained why I cry easily...



No. Not those cataracts, these cataracts...

Bugger.


This now made it clear (intended), why I had been struggling when driving at night. The oncoming headlights were dazzling, and I had been putting it down to 'modern' lamps in the headlights of other cars. How wrong can you be. If you are over 50 and experiencing the same 'issues', it may be worth a run out to your Optician.

Anyhoo.

Fast forward into this year, and I have now had, both eyes 'done'.




Now here is the thing.

When I had the second eye done, it was (I s**t you not) my birthday. Great.

Off I trot, and having already had one eye done, I know the score. It's not the best way to spend your birthday, but honestly, I have had worse.


As I lay on the operating table, I can hear music playing. This is (as you will know) standard.

As the surgeon straps me down, and starts hacking at my eye, I am suddenly aware of the song that they are playing...





My muffled comment, from under the sterile dressings, just caused the whole team to break into laughter...


"Playing a song by a blind man, in these circumstances is insensitive and has emotionally scarred me".






As a small token of my thanks for their skill and care; before I was kicked out of the door, I managed to pass over a decent bottle of red for the Surgeon, and a box of Belgian Chocolates for his team.


God love them.



So, if you have a spare hour in the upcoming weeks, perhaps...

 

[lochty]

After my last stint in hospital, rather than chocolates, I gave the ward staff a box of bic pens, as they never seemed to have any. They disappeared faster than snow off a dyke.

 

[Phil fox man]

When I had the"camera up the bum hole"the radio was playing "fat bottomed girl's"by queen.oh how I laughed!
Phil.

 

[Ratel]

Cataracts, Oh how I enjoyed the needle in the eye for the first one.. On the table for the second one and grasping tightly the rails of the bed. Never forget the nurse saying "Mr .... Could you please release your death grip on the bed as you have my uniform pinned there as well and I need to move".

 

[Foxyboy43]

Hmmm.
When having a scan of my waterworks I had a pre-scan injection and then told to go away for 2 hours and drink plenty of fluids - this included beer so it being a hot day I had two pints.
On my return “have you had some fluids, oh good! Now just lie on the table, it will slide into the huge polo mint (my words) and we can play a radio station of your choice then you just relax for about 40 minutes…”. I chose Radio 4, fine, dandy, super, until the chap on the radio “streamed” live from a brewery where the entire sodding broadcast was “sprinkled” with the unmistakeable sound of beer, lots of beer, being poured…
I think I set the CT Table Dismount All-comers Championship record that day.
Wot fun…

 

[deerstalker.308]

When I had the"camera up the bum hole"the radio was playing "fat bottomed girl's"by queen.oh how I laughed!
Phil.

Highway to hell might have been more apt!

 

[Tim.243]

Highway to hell might have been more apt!

Dads friend told a tale of the packing removal from a backside opp,
He was in an isolation ward and they left the door open, "Mr Smith" the best way to remove this is big steps.
Oh ok, next second the nurse took the tag hanging out and ran out the door.

 

[Rookandrabbit]

I had genetic cataracts in my early forties. Had the first one done HOWEVER when it came to do the second one you can see what is happening . The machine looks as though it has been designed by a BOND VILLAIN .

To make matters worse……….the patient before me, who was in the operating room had their operation postponed as a foot pedal had broken.
REALLY GIVES REASSURANCE AND CALMS THE NERVES .


They asked if I wanted to go to the other hospital on the Wirral and they could fit me in there………….FRIDAY AFTERNOON RUSH JOB NO THANKS,. I was out of there faster than a formula one car in pole position

Called back a month later to get the second eye done . I can now see everything that is occurring in that room. ROOM 101!

I was not aware that my legs were raised off the bed at 30 degrees despite several requests to relax and put my legs down!

Also I had my head held in place by a male orderly in what felt like a wrestling hold!!!

Oh yes they still had a sense of humour as while I was being treated the surgeon asked for a COCK CHOPPER which is some sort of tool used in the operation

Oh what fun!
I am the world’s worst patient………I won’t mention the spinal surgery operation……………..I WAS VERY BRAVE

 

[Bavarianbrit]

I had them both done in 2014 but got the last laugh though as the surgeon bought my LR Lightweight so that was three weights off my mind.

 

[Stalker62]

Interesting take on the whole issue...

Boom in cataract surgery in England as private clinics eye huge profits​

With nearly 60% of NHS cataract operations outsourced, critics say it is sapping funding for more serious conditions.

 

[Smellydog]

nurse saying "Mr .... Could you please release your death grip on the bed as you have my uniform pinned there as well and I need to move".

That old chestnut, bet you knew all along hmmm...?

 

[Ratel]

That old chestnut, bet you knew all along hmmm...?

I can assure you Smelly the ochmaghandi was the last thought in my mind.

 

[John Gryphon]

When I had the"camera up the bum hole"the radio was playing "fat bottomed girl's"by queen.oh how I laughed!

Ah ha I too have had the Silver Stallion in the freckle and they don`t warm it up first so you certainly know its there lol.

 

[Automan]

A polish man went to the optician the optician said can you read the card on the wall read it says the polish man I know him he's my next door neighbour.

 

[Firefly]

One I always remember from my days in the operating theatre used by a rectal surgeon when performing removal of piles. ‘If it looks like a clover the operations over - if it looks like a dahlia the operation is a failure’

 

[John Gryphon]

if it looks like a dahlia the operation is a failure’

There was a young man from Australia
who painted his arse like a dahlia
the colours were true
they were red white and blue
but the stink of his arse was a failure

 

[Automan]

Ah ha I too have had the Silver Stallion in the freckle and they don`t warm it up first so you certainly know its there lol.

I had the same thing but was puzzled by the bucket of lemons on the side I asked what they were for the surgeon said they are there to remove the smile off your face after the operation.

 

[John Gryphon]

I had the same thing but was puzzled by the bucket of lemons on the side I asked what they were for the surgeon said they are there to remove the smile off your face after the operation.

or perhaps to find one or three stuck up the arse for being an obstreperous patient.
Every time i am in a doctors surgery my eyes always seem to find the cardboard box on a high shelf with 'proctoscope' in marker pen advertising its whereabouts....shivers

 

[starr shot]

Wasn’t the surgeon who had a sense of humor when I went for the snip,It was the nurse,Her comment of you’re just about to feel what I am,I say what’s that then and she says a little prick as she puts the needle in.