For those that followed my Changing Times I promised to write this some time ago but I have found it very difficult to do so, but here goes.
My whole life has been change some changes have been good some not so but that's life.
Let me make it clear I am not looking for sympathy but if I am going to complete my tale I need to tell it warts and all.
It started to go wrong back in October when my nephew died my sisters eldest lad 46 years of age with no known health issues ,his daughter came home to find him lying on the kitchen
floor in a coma he was taken to hospital and put on life support my sister was told he was brain dead and his life support system was turned off five days later, he had apparently gone in to a
diabetic coma, neither he nor any of the family knew he was diabetic no symptoms as far as anyone was aware.
Early November I had a cataract operation that went wrong a lot of pain and almost blind in the eye that had been done and almost blind in the one that was still needing to be done but
me being me I carried on was with clients walking up woodcock over pointers when I tripped ( couldn't see where I was putting my feet) landed on a tree stump breaking a rib.
The rib healed and after five months I could see again still need to get the other eye done but due to Covid that could be some time yet
Along came Covid and we went into lockdown so no clients for early Bucks all my clients are Europeans and they were in lockdown before we were, at the time I was not to concerned
as my wife had not been keeping very well contacted her Doctors Practice who due to the lockdown were not seeing people only doing telephone consultations,
she was told to self isolate as she had all the symptoms of Covid told to phone back in a fortnight or sooner if she got worse this carried on for seven weeks until in desperation I phoned for an Ambulance which would not respond but they did send a paramedic who did summons an Ambulance.
I called the next day to be told my wife had a clot on her lung and she would be in Hospital for a week or so unfortunately due to Covid I could not visit, two hours later the Hospital
called me to say they had the results of the last tests they had done and unfortunately it was not a clot on her lung but small cell lung cancer with secondary tumours on her liver
and unfortunately her condition was terminal.
My wife was allowed home the following day and she seemed not to bad things carried on much as normal neither of us were stupid we both knew this feeling of well being was due to the
morphine she was taking and that it would not last.
She was offered chemo she decided to take it as she was told it should give her more time and a better quality of life and as she told the consultant she would need all the time she could
get to teach me how to look after myself.
There was to be four chemo sessions three weeks apart then a break and perhaps the sessions would be repeated she was also to get a knew therapy that uses the bodies immune
system to fight the cancer.
Neither of us was blind to cancer and its treatment as she had fought cancer and beaten it as a 29 year old and had had radium treatment at that time but 39 years on there would be no happy ending this time
She responded well to both the first and second chemo sessions and she spent her time putting her affairs in order and teaching me how to cook and do all the other household chores
I had lived on my own when I was young and could cook and so on but we had been together for 45 years and she had taken on that role and to my shame I allowed her to do so.
To be fair she did teach me a few things that will come in handy, still struggle putting that bl@@dy duvet cover on though.
In July my brothers daughter died 32 years of age she did not have Covid but her death was Covid related she was waiting for a minor operation which was put on hold due to Covid
and she contracted sepsis, her sister died in her sleep two years ago in her mid twenties, my brother would have been broken but both he and his wife have already passed.
My wife took a chest infection a few days before her third chemo session the session was cancelled and her health began to decline rapidly and she was again admitted to Hospital
her condition continued to get worse at this time I was told I would be allowed to visit for one hour a day provided I pre booked my time slot none of the other family would be allowed
First she and I were told she would be allowed home with a nurse attending twice a day then told no they could not provide the cover again due to Covid
Then they we were told she would be transferred to a Hospice as they were better placed to deal with her needs and that she would be transferred as soon as a bed became available.
At the same time I was told I could come in when ever I wanted to I could even stay the night if I wanted to the immediate family could also visit, I knew then it was near the end.
My wife also knew she became delirious and started to talk nonsense but her constant plea was " I want to die at home please don't let me die here " the one thing I could not do for her
I was now sleeping in a chair by her bed my daughter and I taking it in turns spending alternate nights by her bedside , one morning just after I had arrived to relieve my daughter my
wife awoke and she was lucid we spoke for about twenty minutes we talked about the silly things we had done when we were young from being a sad time we laughed until the
tears ran down our cheeks, I think that was her last lucid moment she died three days later on the 14th of September.
Was our marriage perfect! Of course it wasn't ! Who's is? but she was my best friend and I'm finding life very difficult without her.
I have never found writing difficult until now even write a bit of poetry now and again mainly for my own amusement but try as I will to pen a simple verse in her memory I can't it
just won't come .
So a combination of things means I have not worked since the first of February 2020 and further lockdown looks like this year is doubtful contracted to a European company and all the clients are European so until there is free movement between the UK and Europe its not going to happen.
A few days ago something happened that shocked me to the core I can't and won't talk about as an investigation is in progress and the rumour mill is grinding as it is,
suffice to say arrests have been made, this does not involve me in any way .
I'm just shocked and sickened that this could happen in a place I loved and involve people I thought I knew
It will be on the news for all to see in time until then I will say no more.
Changing times indeed.
My whole life has been change some changes have been good some not so but that's life.
Let me make it clear I am not looking for sympathy but if I am going to complete my tale I need to tell it warts and all.
It started to go wrong back in October when my nephew died my sisters eldest lad 46 years of age with no known health issues ,his daughter came home to find him lying on the kitchen
floor in a coma he was taken to hospital and put on life support my sister was told he was brain dead and his life support system was turned off five days later, he had apparently gone in to a
diabetic coma, neither he nor any of the family knew he was diabetic no symptoms as far as anyone was aware.
Early November I had a cataract operation that went wrong a lot of pain and almost blind in the eye that had been done and almost blind in the one that was still needing to be done but
me being me I carried on was with clients walking up woodcock over pointers when I tripped ( couldn't see where I was putting my feet) landed on a tree stump breaking a rib.
The rib healed and after five months I could see again still need to get the other eye done but due to Covid that could be some time yet
Along came Covid and we went into lockdown so no clients for early Bucks all my clients are Europeans and they were in lockdown before we were, at the time I was not to concerned
as my wife had not been keeping very well contacted her Doctors Practice who due to the lockdown were not seeing people only doing telephone consultations,
she was told to self isolate as she had all the symptoms of Covid told to phone back in a fortnight or sooner if she got worse this carried on for seven weeks until in desperation I phoned for an Ambulance which would not respond but they did send a paramedic who did summons an Ambulance.
I called the next day to be told my wife had a clot on her lung and she would be in Hospital for a week or so unfortunately due to Covid I could not visit, two hours later the Hospital
called me to say they had the results of the last tests they had done and unfortunately it was not a clot on her lung but small cell lung cancer with secondary tumours on her liver
and unfortunately her condition was terminal.
My wife was allowed home the following day and she seemed not to bad things carried on much as normal neither of us were stupid we both knew this feeling of well being was due to the
morphine she was taking and that it would not last.
She was offered chemo she decided to take it as she was told it should give her more time and a better quality of life and as she told the consultant she would need all the time she could
get to teach me how to look after myself.
There was to be four chemo sessions three weeks apart then a break and perhaps the sessions would be repeated she was also to get a knew therapy that uses the bodies immune
system to fight the cancer.
Neither of us was blind to cancer and its treatment as she had fought cancer and beaten it as a 29 year old and had had radium treatment at that time but 39 years on there would be no happy ending this time
She responded well to both the first and second chemo sessions and she spent her time putting her affairs in order and teaching me how to cook and do all the other household chores
I had lived on my own when I was young and could cook and so on but we had been together for 45 years and she had taken on that role and to my shame I allowed her to do so.
To be fair she did teach me a few things that will come in handy, still struggle putting that bl@@dy duvet cover on though.
In July my brothers daughter died 32 years of age she did not have Covid but her death was Covid related she was waiting for a minor operation which was put on hold due to Covid
and she contracted sepsis, her sister died in her sleep two years ago in her mid twenties, my brother would have been broken but both he and his wife have already passed.
My wife took a chest infection a few days before her third chemo session the session was cancelled and her health began to decline rapidly and she was again admitted to Hospital
her condition continued to get worse at this time I was told I would be allowed to visit for one hour a day provided I pre booked my time slot none of the other family would be allowed
First she and I were told she would be allowed home with a nurse attending twice a day then told no they could not provide the cover again due to Covid
Then they we were told she would be transferred to a Hospice as they were better placed to deal with her needs and that she would be transferred as soon as a bed became available.
At the same time I was told I could come in when ever I wanted to I could even stay the night if I wanted to the immediate family could also visit, I knew then it was near the end.
My wife also knew she became delirious and started to talk nonsense but her constant plea was " I want to die at home please don't let me die here " the one thing I could not do for her
I was now sleeping in a chair by her bed my daughter and I taking it in turns spending alternate nights by her bedside , one morning just after I had arrived to relieve my daughter my
wife awoke and she was lucid we spoke for about twenty minutes we talked about the silly things we had done when we were young from being a sad time we laughed until the
tears ran down our cheeks, I think that was her last lucid moment she died three days later on the 14th of September.
Was our marriage perfect! Of course it wasn't ! Who's is? but she was my best friend and I'm finding life very difficult without her.
I have never found writing difficult until now even write a bit of poetry now and again mainly for my own amusement but try as I will to pen a simple verse in her memory I can't it
just won't come .
So a combination of things means I have not worked since the first of February 2020 and further lockdown looks like this year is doubtful contracted to a European company and all the clients are European so until there is free movement between the UK and Europe its not going to happen.
A few days ago something happened that shocked me to the core I can't and won't talk about as an investigation is in progress and the rumour mill is grinding as it is,
suffice to say arrests have been made, this does not involve me in any way .
I'm just shocked and sickened that this could happen in a place I loved and involve people I thought I knew
It will be on the news for all to see in time until then I will say no more.
Changing times indeed.
