Its not reindeer its the Tockeloshes. These are distant cousins to Haggises, and got reunited with their cousins via Steamer Trunks with the likes of Dr Livingstone and Karamojo Bell who travelled to darkest Africa with additional passengers- ie Haggises in their luggage.
And ever since there has been movement with Haggises visiting Southern and Central Africa anf Tokeloshes returning.
When steam ships, such as The Edinburgh Castle stopped carrying passengers they switched to using the luggage of air passengers.
However in more recent time the authorities have made it much more difficult given all phytosanitary restrictions, and customs officers once BREXIT came into being have been reinvigorated with their St Boris’s clipboards (St Boris being the patron saint of all customs and immigration officers), it became nigh on impossible. And lockdown with all the aeroplanes coming a standstill completely buggered up this means of transport.
The Scottish Haggises, which are really rather law abiding just hung their heads in bewilderment.
However, the Tokeloshes having raised from birth in mysteries of smuggling and moving things through African borders rose to the challenge.
Year one the tried swallows. Swallows are really quite tiny, and Tokeloshes are resourceful - they undid themselves (a bit like a fine take down gun) and strapped these bits to backs of a flock of swallows when they flew northwards back to Scotland. However flocks got broken up and the Tokolosh bits got spread all over the UK, Ireland and Europe. It was a big oh dear. And there quite squank looking tokoloshes now all over the place - squank cos the different bits from different tokoloshes.
However 2nd year of lockdown they persuaded Ospreys to carry them instead. Ospreys are much bigger birds and can carry a complete tokolosh. For the osprey’s this, far from making their lives harder, makes their migration very much easier, for as any African can tell you tokoloshes are rather windy little animals …….. yes I will let use your imagination.
So what I suspect has happened is that some of the Ospreys that travel to Argyl may well have seen a fair maiden osprey on the shores of loch neigh or even one of smaller lochs near Cairn Ryan and got diverted, and the Tokolosh has taken up home with you. He was having such a rare old time that he missed his ride home in the Autumn.
It’s your mistake you should have a tin of chocolate biscuits, some biltong and a good dram in your study, gunroom or reloading shed to keep him sustained through these cold dark months.
You clearly have forgotten this elementary husbandry requirement and thus The Tokolosh has taken to dining on wives shoes. It is a poor substitute to biltong but they are ever resourceful.
I suggest that before you and Rua get deported to the shed, make sure you have a word with The Tokolosh and he will deliver a new pair of shoes. He might need some translation as they are not conversant in Amazon - the language known only until the female of the species.
Then make sure there are appropriate supplies for the rest of the winter in place.
