Poisoned by a dodgy kebab

[User00035]

I wouldn’t touch a doner kebab with a sh1tty stick sober, however after 10 pints it magically transforms into the food of gods.

I was once importuned by an extremely fat woman in a pub in Weymouth. She manoeuvred me into a corner using sheer bulk and tried to grope me. She was also extremely drunk and had recently eaten a kebab. Most of the chilli sauce was still around her mouth and she had the worst kebab breath ever. I haven't eaten one since.

 

[potshotpat]

As a result of weekend piisheads throwing up, spewing up, doing a number one or two because of eating the seaside cuisine in Blackpool. The council advise against swimming in the sea near the famous tower, unless you only want to go through the motions.

 

[Cumbrian 1]

I was once importuned by an extremely fat woman in a pub in Weymouth. She manoeuvred me into a corner using sheer bulk and tried to grope me. She was also extremely drunk and had recently eaten a kebab. Most of the chilli sauce was still around her mouth and she had the worst kebab breath ever. I haven't eaten one since.

That sounds like an average night out round here except the woman would also be your sister.

 

[Norfolk Deer Search]

Had a kebab last night …lamb shish and doner meat with chilli sauce.
Woke up today feeling a bit ill. Never mind, go to work. Gradually feel more ill.
Now being sick. Hurrah for the Turkish professional food preparation people.
I cook for myself all the time without poisoning myself. I leave it to a “professional” for a change and what do I get? Fecking sick as a dog.

Hold on your in for a rough time

 

[Pete6.5]

I was once importuned by an extremely fat woman in a pub in Weymouth. She manoeuvred me into a corner using sheer bulk and tried to grope me. She was also extremely drunk and had recently eaten a kebab. Most of the chilli sauce was still around her mouth and she had the worst kebab breath ever. I haven't eaten one since.

Good story. But did you

 

[User00047]

M

I was once importuned by an extremely fat woman in a pub in Weymouth. She manoeuvred me into a corner using sheer bulk and tried to grope me. She was also extremely drunk and had recently eaten a kebab. Most of the chilli sauce was still around her mouth and she had the worst kebab breath ever. I haven't eaten one since.

Good story. But did you

You know he did

 

[Len the dog]

I haven't eaten one since.

Are we still talking about the kebab, or women from Weymouth?

 

[potshotpat]

Good story. But did you

She only did it with/ for friends, she didn't have any enemies ,and got on very well with the lads at the local fire brigade station .
.

 

[Sakoodin1]

I have been done twice by a Chinese from different places and once by mcds!! I feel your pain!! Both times it was campalabacta (not sure of spelling on that). I had to get tablets from the docs to kill the whatever in my stomach

 

[enfieldspares]

Before yesterday I had only had food poisoning in the USA (Pizza Hut), Brazil (pizza) and after my mrs “cooked” a pork joint whilst ****ed and gave me the pink half which hadn’t been properly cooked. I nearly had to call myself an ambulance next day. I couldn’t even stand up off the bathroom floor.

As a child my parents' housekeeper always made sure all pork was very very well cooked as in those times, the 1960s, the danger from uncooked pork here in UK was worm eggs within the flesh.

 

[Jon P]

As a child my parents' housekeeper always made sure all pork was very very well cooked as in those times, the 1960s, the danger from uncooked pork here in UK was worm eggs within the flesh.

Years ago my wife used to eat raw bacon until I told her about the worms in the meat.

 

[User00035]

Good story. But did you

Never, not while night follows day. As I backed away from her, she actually asked me if I was gay. Genuinely, true story. From a porcine, drunk heffalump with her last meal round her chin.. I said, no I'm not, but if you were the last woman on Earth I'd probably give it a try. This annoyed her and for a moment I thought for the first time in my life I'd have to fight something I couldn't lift. Luckily the bar staff intervened and threw her out (well, herded her, throwing was out of the question).

 

[Tagoat]

Call me a cranky git you may, but, having been involved in some way within the catering trade either delivering or selling to all manner of outlets: The only takeaway I'll go for is Fish 'n chips. (mainly because of the temp the food gets cooked at)
The conditions I have seen in some establishments entering via the tradesman's entrance, are outrageous. Disgusting. The opening of some chiller doors tells a shocking story.
Not just the shanty/shyty takeaways by any means either!
Same as when going to an unknown restaraunt, I always make a visit to the toilets prior to taking a table. That gives a major hint to the kitchen condition & general cleaning regime of the establishment.

 

[User00035]

Call me a cranky git you may, but, having been involved in some way within the catering trade either delivering or selling to all manner of outlets: The only takeaway I'll go for is Fish 'n chips. (mainly because of the temp the food gets cooked at)
The conditions I have seen in some establishments entering via the tradesman's entrance, are outrageous. Disgusting. The opening of some chiller doors tells a shocking story.
Not just the shanty/shyty takeaways by any means either!
Same as when going to an unknown restaraunt, I always make a visit to the toilets prior to taking a table. That gives a major hint to the kitchen condition & general cleaning regime of the establishment.

I eat at home.

 

[NP435]

I’ve eaten all manner of things and only had food poisoning once - it was a salad! Since then I’ve always considered raw vegetables to much more worrisome than anything else.

But your kebabahobia does remind me of a time in Saudi Arabia. Finally permitted to go off base and into a nearby town with a bazaar. I could smell the most delicious aroma of shawarma so we started that way looking for the source. From about 50 feet away we saw this wonderful spit of meat with a beautiful brown/black crust. As we got closer a local stepped up and ordered one. The vendor took his knife and waved it rapidly around the spit and most of the beautiful brown/black crust was disturbed and flew away.

We waited until back on base to get a regular old American hamburger, cooked to American food hygiene standards.The flys were horrible in the kingdom of Saud, we burned everything and sprayed fly killer by the gallon. Only thing worse is being near a feed lot for cattle.

 

[Rake Aboot]

Even when I ate meat I wouldn't touch a doner kebab. Vile things.

 

[waterford103]

Except if the feller preparing your slice of tomato or cucumber had been scratching his arse...

Don't the followers of a certain religion ,dominant in Turkey ,use their hand to clean their arse after a sh1t ? And what goes ito that big lump of compressed meat ?

 

[Franchi Matt]

Don't the followers of a certain religion ,dominant in Turkey ,use their hand to clean their arse after a sh1t ? And what goes ito that big lump of compressed meat ?

What goes in that lump of conpressed meat is the fat and remains of flesh on lamb bones. I did some work last year on a van for a 'meat' processing company..... seedy little place beside the railway, four blokes with huge bins beside them full of bones, wearing chain mail gloves they strip remaining meat from the bones, once they have a fair lump they add some binding agent, pat it into a giant burger then shove it on the spike... once spike is full its trimmed into thd elephants leg shape... it really is the dregs of meat, but we know that when placing our orders

 

[Island]

I definitely got poisoned by a dodgy kebab once.

I was very surprised because I assumed that the amount of alcohol I had consumed would have mitigated the effects of any harmful bacteria in the food....

 

[NoIDeer]

I said, no I'm not, but if you were the last woman on Earth I'd probably give it a try.

That was, probably, the nicest thing anyone had ever said to her(?), your luck was just about to change. Shame the bar staff intervened