Well today's big adventure, was my RSVP to take part in the national PSA blood screening tests, being offered to gentlemen of a certain 'vintage'...
I rock up (early - always early) to find the waiting room filled with men who are of a certain 'vintage' - none of whom will look you in the eye.
The young receptionist (clearly not the dietician - but let's not be unkind), mumbles everything (probably has a mouth full of cake by the looks of her!) and fails to give clear instructions to the herd of bewildered old men, who are clearly not used to attending to their health unsupervised.
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Having had the literature sent some weeks earlier, I realise that I have to collect a test tube and a small plastic pouring pot, and go and pass a urine sample. Not all the 'punters' are quite so clued up.
Getting old sucks.
I wonder off, and produce the necessary (mid-stream is best - and no I don't mean go and stand in a Beck) into the 'pouring cup' and then decant same into the test tube. I do so without creating a 'mess'. Others have not been so accurate. Dirty bastards.
I wander nonchalantly back to the waiting area, with an unspeakably warm test tube in my shirt pocket. Did I mention that getting old sucks?
My name is called, and I go and present the poor unfortunate Nurse, with the contents of my bladder. I apologise for being there and she is very kind about it.
A quick test for infections (you can't have the blood test if you have an infection) and I am good to go.
Wearing short sleeve order (why would you not?) - the Nurse applies the blue plastic tourniquet and draws off the sample. Small sticky plaster (no lolly pop) and I slink out of the door.
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"If the tests are positive, we will call you back for a CT scan"...
Great. I was wondering what I was going to be doing over Christmas.
Jump back into the truck and head off home.
About half-way there, and my donor arm is numb and throbbing like a bastard. I look down at my fingers and they look swollen.
Thoughts of allergic reaction race through my mind. Fcuk. I wonder if I am going into anaphylactic shock?
I look down at my left arm and there it is.
The blue plastic tourniquet - still strangling my left arm.
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So a couple or three things to remember.
- If you get an invite to have a PSA blood test - do take it.
- When you provide your urine sample - do take care.
- When you have given your blood - do have them take off the tourniquet...
Be careful. It's a jungle out there.
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